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Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by ferny, Oct 8, 2008.

  1. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    Can you cry under water?

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

    What disease did cured ham actually have?

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

    Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

    Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

    How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

    When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

    Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
     
  2. matt-l

    matt-l TPF Noob!

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    do fish have shoulders?
     
  3. reg

    reg TPF Noob!

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    Did you find this on google?
     
  4. monkeykoder

    monkeykoder TPF Noob!

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    Ummmmmm... I look at my three best friends and 2/3 are medicated for Bi-Polar disorder 1/3 is medicated for ADD and I'm pretty sure of the 2 of us that remain we've at least got the ADD and maybe not a full-fledged case of Bi-Polar but getting close to being diagnosable. we were just never diagnosed because we're somewhat above average intelligence so it never interfered with our grades...
     
  5. bigtwinky

    bigtwinky No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Should I post up responses for each of these questions?
     
  6. bradster76

    bradster76 TPF Noob!

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    Can you cry under water?

    No. Two reasons:
    A) Mucus glands shutdown once you are under water.
    B) You have to be able to draw a breath.

    How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

    Officials are assassinated, due to the fact of the art of the killing. To hide one's self, terminate the target and leave with no detection is assassination. It has nothing to do with with social status. It's the nature of the killing. People will "murder" a store clerk for drug money and not care. However, hitman "assassinate" a important and dangerous figure.

    Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
    I'm not religious, so I have no answer.

    What disease did cured ham actually have?
    Cysts.

    How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Before man started to travel more and got more lazy.

    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

    I have wondered this myself...

    Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

    Being ON tv means the broadcast is live, or recently was. IN a film refers to a box office film that is pre-recorded.

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    To a lot of people, a different view of the world they are used to is worth a few bucks. It's a form of psychological escape or perspective, and a break for the mind to know that it's far away.

    Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

    Legal reasons. To avoid lawsuits of sexual nature.

    Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

    I'm not sure.

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Different sizes of toast, maybe. I known quite a few people who like burned bacon and indeed...toast.

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    It's a cartoon.

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

    Lipids.

    Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Yes.

    Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

    I didn't.

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

    Both are actually outside of something. A hemorrhoid is a protruding blood vessel that has become inflamed, and is breaking the surface of the skin.

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    That is due to the dog keeping an eye on the horizon, to reduce motion sickness. Secondly, the outside air prob. smells better to him than human breath.

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

    Frustration.

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

    So you don't do it again. A stupid act is responded with a stupid act.

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Because we really don't care if it's true how many stars there are. But we do want to keep our work cloths from getting ruined. Better to be safe than sorry.

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

    Depends on his blood line/ancestry. If he's Native American, or Mediterranean, he may not be able to grow one. Also, Tarzan did have knives.

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    It's a comic. But I'm guessing in real format here that the revolver would be bigger, blocking his vision?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Kamikaze is a mission they have to complete and accurately. If they get knocked unconsciousness, they cannot complete the mission, landing the plane elsewhere.

    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

    The English.

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

    Different phylum in the homo family. When we evolved, there were still apes/primates that didn't evolve, and are the same to this day. IE: Orangutans.

    Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

    The color of the bubble bath in liquid state is only what frequency of waves of light it reflects. Once it hits water, the electrons are expanded, the pigment dissolves. All that is left is pockets of rising oxygen, covered in the soapy tension.

    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    I don't know.

    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    Hope springs eternal.

    Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    Common sense vs. logic. Common sense will say that "the vacuum's job is to suck it up" while logic will tell you "pick it up, moron".

    Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

    They are vacuum packed.

    How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

    When they were alive, they couldn't get out. Bugs are naturally attracted to light.

    When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

    Common human courtesy, whether guinuine or not. Depends on how hard they hit your ankle. Now if it's clearly broken, I think the outcome would be far different.

    Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    Similar to the "fight or flight" instinct. In a matter of nano seconds, the brain fires off signals to the body, and hormones to ONLY boost your speed and strength in this matter, not your dexterity.

    In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    I don't know. I keep my house at 72 in winter and 66 in the summer. Not a huge difference for me. Still, if you are keeping your house's interior at 90-100 degrees F at ANY time, you need help, IMO.

    How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

    I don't know. I guess they wouldn't really be funny. We really don't hear son-in-law jokes, either.

    The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
     
  7. rufus5150

    rufus5150 TPF Noob!

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    Although babies awaken frequently, they spend a greater deal of time in the modes of sleep most conducive to increased rest. It's less about how much they sleep and how effective that sleep is. Many babies go from sleep to a very brief 'waking' period to being ready for their next activity.

    Also, when they get older but before they're out of baby stage (once food and waste retention start to check up a bit) many will sleep 9-12 hours in a stretch plus a nap or two.
     
  8. mrcrassic

    mrcrassic TPF Noob!

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    I'm not even going to try and answer that list.

    But father-in-law jokes are never funny. That's why.
     

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