Ah, that was difficult.

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Trenton Romulox, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. Trenton Romulox

    Trenton Romulox TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    I just took all the images of Naomi (my deceased girlfriend) and put them in their own folder. I've been meaning to do it, because every time I import something onto my computer from my memory card or upload images, I see images of her, and I just think an image of a folder is easier to handle than her face. But putting those images in that folder was the hardest thing I've done since, well, I don't know, but that was really hard. And now I can't sleep, but I guess that's not anything new. I've been an insomniac since she died. I thought time was supposed to make things easier, damn.
     
  2. TATTRAT

    TATTRAT No longer a newbie, moving up!

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,550
    Likes Received:
    283
    Location:
    BDA Native now in NoVA/D.C.
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    hard job man, I don't envy you.

    I was once in a similar situation, thought it would help bring closure, but no. We can never forget, but time heals...eventually.

    Blessings to you.
     
  3. Sideburns

    Sideburns TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
    Messages:
    2,796
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Windsor, Ontario
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    Well I can sympathize with you at least a little. I've just broken up with my girlfriend of over a year. I loved her very much. Well...I still do...but that's another story.

    We are no longer speaking, so it's like going from the most tender moments of your life to nothing. It's hard.

    But I've found ways to deal with it.

    Hang out with as many of your friends as you can. Talk to girls. (You don't have to pick them up...just meet them...get to know a few)...focus on school...

    I know my situatuion is not as horrific as yours...but you to know, that people do share in your pain and someone does understand the hurt you feel.

    I hope you feel better soon, and can continue to live your life the way you want. Just focus on you a bit, and make sure you are ok first...I'm sure that's what she'd want (for you to be ok). Hang in there.
     
  4. Trenton Romulox

    Trenton Romulox TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    Closure is tough to come by. Especially when her parents both have set themselves on ignoring me. Haven't talked to her dad since it happened. Haven't talked to her mom since two days after. And the family has since moved away so they're basically gone from my life forever. I never had any questions answered about how Naomi died except it was a car accident. I never got information on the funeral. I don't know where her body is. Nobody really has any information for me, and her family isn't gonna give me it. Maybe someday I'll get in touch with them somehow, or they'll get in touch with me. But I doubt it. Tough to have closure when there are so many unanswered questions. And it doesn't help that she was away when it happened, so the body could be multiple places. Even friends of Naomi's who are close with her family don't know anything. It's like they fell off the face of the earth. And that certainly isn't making things any easier for me.
     
  5. TATTRAT

    TATTRAT No longer a newbie, moving up!

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,550
    Likes Received:
    283
    Location:
    BDA Native now in NoVA/D.C.
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    S%^* dude, THAT is tough. I am so sorry that you have to deal with that, seriously.

    I feel for you as far as the parents, I know first hand how hard it can be, but really, I hope they see the light and realize there are other people that love her, besides them, and they want answers too.

    I wish the best for you.
     
  6. Trenton Romulox

    Trenton Romulox TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    I'm sorry to hear that Sideburns. You've been good to me on these forums, and I wish you the best.

    I've been talking to new people lately, girls, just cause they are easier for me to talk to than guys about this stuff. But no matter how hard I try, when I talk to them, I hear Naomi. When I see them, I see Naomi. And I feel like everyone in my life will be compared to her now, and that's not fair to me, to Naomi, or to the people I meet.

    I'm trying to be okay, because yeah, that is what she would have wanted. But it's not working out so well. I went to the doctor's a few days ago for chest pain and I guess my emotional stress is taking a toll on my body in multiple ways: costrochondritis (swelling of cartilage in ribcage), insomnia, migraines, lowered immunity (which is why I've been perpetually sick since it happened). And apparently if I keep up with the emotional state I am in (which is mostly just bottling everything up because I don't know how else to handle it), I'm on a fast path to depression, drug abuse, and relationship problems for my entire life. I don't know, it's just, when a doctor I've never had before comes in, examines me, and interrogates me for an hour and then tells me that I need psychiatric help to keep my life from falling apart forever, it's pretty hard to handle. And on top of that, I have school to worry about, and my parents just don't understand what's going on in my life because, well, it's my fault they don't. I just can't talk to them about stuff, for lots of reasons I guess, no good ones really though. Ah, photography is the only thing keeping me going. Just because I like taking pictures.
     
  7. Trenton Romulox

    Trenton Romulox TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    Thanks.

    I think the situation with her parents is what is keeping me from getting the closure that I need. I mean, the first three or four days were tough, of course, but then I seemed to get better. But I think that's just because I pushed it all away, I just bottled it all up and threw the bottle out to sea. But the bottle is floating ashore and no matter how hard I try and run away from it, I keep getting tripped up in the sand, and that bottle will come back to me in its entirety. I am trying to find a therapist right now, but with exams all next week, and all my schoolwork that I am extremely behind on, it's difficult to find time to care about myself.
     
  8. monkeykoder

    monkeykoder TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,143
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sacramento CA
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    I never did find out what happened in the car accident my brother died in and it happened less than 5 miles from home :( Her parents are having a LOT harder time than you are I wouldn't be hard on them for it. I know they're making it harder for you but they knew her a lot longer than you did and you may not believe this now but they loved her at least as much and probably more than you did. I don't think I could handle losing my son and there is no way I could ever love a woman as much as I love him.
     
  9. Trenton Romulox

    Trenton Romulox TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

    I'm not going to get into the specifics of her family now, nor ever, but there's a lot to it that people don't know, a lot about her parents. I'll just put it this way, I'm surprised at how hard they're taking it.

    I mean, I may seem like I'm overreacting, and maybe that's why I keep bottling things up. I feel like anytime I talk about this stuff, I'm being selfish or something. I don't know.
     
  10. TATTRAT

    TATTRAT No longer a newbie, moving up!

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2007
    Messages:
    1,550
    Likes Received:
    283
    Location:
    BDA Native now in NoVA/D.C.
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    I don't want this to sound selfish or insensitive, but you need to do for you. Life goes on, time never stops, and in the process, we deal with the best and worst of things. It is how we deal with these things that define us a person.

    Everything will, eventually, work it's self out, but as hard as it might be, sometimes you just need to do for you. She loved you, like you love(ed) her, you know that is what SHE would want, and that is what you would want for her in return.

    Embrace her memory, for there she lives on. Don't let her folks get you down. It speaks volumes of them if they can not share those facts with their daughters loved ones. As time moves on, maybe they will, maybe they wont. Just be happy being you.

    just my $.02.
     
  11. monkeykoder

    monkeykoder TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,143
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sacramento CA
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    You can never overestimate the love of a parent for their child. There are very few cases where a parent doesn't love their child. It can be hard for you to believe but you'll never know it until you experience it.
     
  12. Trenton Romulox

    Trenton Romulox TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2007
    Messages:
    2,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maine
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    I'm sure if I ever have children, I will understand exactly where you are coming from. But the thought of knowing something in the future, doesn't necessarily help me know and understand it now. I'll probably look back on this someday, and forgive her parents for how they're handling things, but then again, I'm not angry at her parents. They're just making things more difficult for me, and it's not like things are easier for them because of it, at least they shouldn't be. But I probably will see things differently over time, I mean, how could I not? But the future isn't a comforting enough idea, because it's that, an idea and not a reality. And reality is not working too well for me these days. But, reality has ups and downs. I just don't want this down to last forever, and if I handle this situation in a bad way, like I have been handling it, then this situation will live on in many different forms and consequences throughout my life. Negative forms and consequences at that.
     

Share This Page