All you mommas and papas out there!

[Sideburns]

Hey guys...I figured this was a question more suited towards this forum than say....my college buddies...

Anyway...back story.

I met this girl some time last year online, through a friend, and I thought she was a real cutie. But, she was dating some guy so I left it alone.
During the last year, I was dating my ex...and we recently broke up and yada yada...
Anyway...she's single right now also. We've been talking this whole time, and get along wonderfully.
So, last week I decided to ask her if she'd like to finally meet face to face. We went and saw a movie and had a wonderful time together. I like her, and enjoy spending time with her...and she wants to see me again...so that's all good.

Now here's the problem. Her parents are not so keen on me.
They think I'm a "complete stranger"...and I guess I can understand that...but we've been talking for over a year, and she went to summer school with my little brother...so it's not like I'm completely out of nowhere.
Also, the age difference bothers them I think. She is 16, and I am 18. She's in 11th grade and I'm in first year college.
(Just so we're clear, there are no legal issues in Canada regarding this age difference).
Now....we're both fine with the age difference. We've discussed it with each other, and it's no issue.
I can see where her parents are coming from here also...

But here's the question.

What the heck do I do? I need to convince her parents that I'm a nice guy obviously...but how?
I think it'd be the most awkward thing ever to just meet them straight up one day when I know they already don't like me.

I'm sure once we got into a conversation it would probably be ok...but how do I get to that point and not make it awkward.

I want to explain to them that while I may be 2 years older, it's not like I'm an old perverted pedophile. I'm carrying a perfect average in college so far, and plan to keep it that way...so it's not like I have no ambition, either... I just got a 450 dollar scholarship in the mail today. I mean...I'm a pretty smart guy....that's a plus right?

What can I say about my job? I don't really have one...so is that a total writeoff? Or can I spin it well? Like..."I'm just really trying to concentrate on school and get perfect grades so I can go places later"...? Cause that's pretty much the situation (honesty is good right? lol)

What the heck do I say if they ask "what are your intentions with my daughter?"...

Sorry this is going so long...and so off topic...(but that's what this off topic section is for, right?)

Any help you can give me would be great...cause obviously I'm not a parent...and I can't possibly know all the things they're thinking. Any ideas for ways to meet them in a comfortable way would be great.

 

[Battou]

Well, they're going to be assholes to you if they really don't like you, but such is life. Don't return the mistreatment to them, that will only make it worse. Believe it or not leagally even here state side you would be fine, that is of little to no conscern. I would advise patients sexually though despite that, just because.

If that question comes up about your intentions be honest (well unless your intentions are that of a standard issue teenager :lmao don't beet around the bush, that is a pointless endevour.

To answer your question, go with it, it's your guyses lives not theirs. No I am not saying make her defyent to her parents, but they likely alredy know there are things they are not going to be able to control, they'll get used to you.

To be honest this sounds a little more like "daddy's little trial" to see if you think she is worth the hassel or not. I made it out to be more than that but still, you can never be too prepared.

 

[Vanessa]

Actions speak louder than words, show them that you're a nice guy. Don't try to hard though because that won't work. talk to them, hold a conversation. Don't say "hey i'm here to get your daughter" and dip out. Sit and talk to them for a moment, be polite and courteous. Ask them how they are, what they do for a living, etc. Get to know them on a parent/boyfriend level. Make little jokes, and really l-i-s-t-e-n.

On another point, age is nothing. My boyfriend and I are 8 years apart, we've been together 2 1/2 years, our relationship has been nothing but perfect.

Honesty is the best policy, if you don't have a job, don't trip. It's your first year of college, its time to work on your studies. I'm in that same boat.

As for you intentions, be real with them.

hope that helps a little!

 

[Icon72]

First off don't ever avoid them. Meaning never go to pick her up and not come in the house. They're going to be a bit suspicious of you at first. They don't know you, you have to respect that. The age difference itself shouldn't be an issue. You're two years apart. They may be uncomfortable with the fact that you are in college and she is in high school. Not much you can do about that. If you want to get on the parents good side ask the girl what kind of things her dad is interested in. When you get a chance strike up a conversation on a given topic that he is likely to respond favorably to in order to break the ice a little. I'm a dad myself but luckily my daughter is only 5 so nowhere near dating age but I do know what I will expect from guys she brings around some day. Keep the following in mind...

- Be a man, act like a man, be aware of yourself.
- Mind your manners and be polite.
- Respect the fact that they are going to look out for their daughter no matter what.
- Pay attention when they do talk to you, that goes with respect.
- Above all else don't be a punk. (Not saying that you are, obviously I don't know you.)
- Be yourself, don't try to be something you're not.

Good luck!

 

[Sideburns]

Well so far...thanks for the great advice.
I'm obviously going to play the honesty card...just have to have tact, I guess...that's why I'm asking for parents help.

Yes, Battou, I agree on the whole..."take it slow sexually" thing.
I'm not really a pushy guy, and like to take things slow anyway...so that won't be a problem. Though, I'm hoping the conversation doesn't even go near that subject...lol.

Thanks so much for the advice so far..and thanks for actually reading the huge speech.

Keep it comin, I appreciate it.

 

[monkeykoder]

My idea coming from someone that has never had to deal with it but here it comes RELAX DON'T WORRY BE YOURSELF. They'll either come around or they won't it isn't your duty to make them happy it is your duty to make HER happy if you succeed everything else will fall into place.

 

[Sideburns]

My idea coming from someone that has never had to deal with it but here it comes RELAX DON'T WORRY BE YOURSELF. They'll either come around or they won't it isn't your duty to make them happy it is your duty to make HER happy if you succeed everything else will fall into place.

Well of course I've taken that into consideration. The most important thing is that she is happy. If she's happy, the parents are bound to be more accepting of me.

Thanks everyone so far.

Any ideas for actually getting to meet them? Something that doesn't trap me in a room with them too long, but allows me to have a brief conversation with them and leave them with a solid first impression?

 

[monkeykoder]

First of all don't worry about it. Second of all DON'T worry about it. When you meet them you meet them and it will be fine.

 

[Sideburns]

First of all don't worry about it. Second of all DON'T worry about it. When you meet them you meet them and it will be fine.

ahaha. well, I guess you're on the right track.
Just been a while since I've had to bother. My ex's mom liked me a lot...as did her grandparents...so I never even had to worry about anything.

Thanks for the help everyone. I guess I'll just see what happens.

 

[monkeykoder]

I've found the number one worst thing to do in ANY situation is be afraid or worried it gets you nowhere mind you I'm not telling you not to use caution just don't be afraid fear puts you in the wrong frame of mind to act it puts you in a reaction mode which puts you at the disadvantage (someone has to act for you to react vs you being able to develop a good position)

 

[Peanuts]

Not so much a mama (or a papa!) however though I would throw my two cents in. I can see where her parents are coming from - not so much on the age (2 years is nothing), but the whole university vs. high school perspective. There is likely that "Our little girl is taken advantage of by this boy!" way of thinking. Also, if they were quite keen on the last boyfriend, the might still be self pitying that that didn't work out.

The only additional words of wisdom I can offer is to not go sciddalding across the border with her

 

[Battou]

The only additional words of wisdom I can offer is to not go sciddalding across the border with her

Awe common, New York is a great place to live :lmao:

 

[Peanuts]

But think about the line up at the Ambassador Bridge. They might be stuck in traffic for hours! :shock:

PS Sideburns, your college is a hop skip and a jump away from some of my relatives place (and no I am not stalking anyone, just exercising my facebook skills)

 

[LaFoto]

Well, even though I am a "momma", even one of a girl almost your new girl-friend's age (only almost), I am looking at the whole situation from my German point of view, and that changes things quite a bit, I think. For all this "dating" is sooo different here than it seems to be over there (while it may yet be different in Canada from what it's like in the States, little do I know).

But - speaking from a mother's point-of-view I must say that at first, of course, any new boy-friend my daughter would come present me would be a stranger to me. (No boys in the neighbourhood anywhere here with whom she might already have played in the sandpit, you know). So there would always be that little "obstacle" to be overcome, by both, the boy - and us, her parents.

But then I wouldn't put too much meaning into a 16-year-old meeting a boy, and here is where the differences might start. I don't know HOW much meaning there is in something like "dating" over there? What does it mean - will they even have sex? Is that what it means?

THAT aspect would require a couple of good talks between mother and daughter, I think, so the daughter gets the very best, most understanding advice on how to deal with things and how to take the necessary precautions, of course.

Other than that, though, if "dating" means going to the movies, for walks holding hands, a bit of hugging and kissing, maybe the odd bit of fondling, but no more, I would not really care too much and put too much thought into things. My daughter needs the time to learn who is good for her and who isn't, the boy is supposedly on the same path ... I would wish for him to come round the house, but never to anything official such as a family dinner with the table laid out extra nice and him forced to wear clothes he would not normally wear only to make an impression on me. Such things simply aren't DONE in my country.

Come to think of it, my parents didn't like any of my school flirt boy-friends, and few of the more serious ones, the only one they ever liked from the start is the one who'll have been my husband of 20 years in June of this year...

Which shows me that sometimes parents may even be a little right in their estimation of their daughter's partner ...

 

[Hertz van Rental]

My viewpoint is: what business is it of the parents?
If the two of you like each other and enjoy each other's company, where is the problem?
You are dating her not her parents.
But that is the Brit view of things.

And I've yet to find any parents who have ever approved of anyone that their daughter has gone out with.