Amazing Home Remedies

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Soul Rebel, Mar 18, 2006.

  1. Soul Rebel

    Soul Rebel TPF Noob!

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    I definately needed a laugh this morning and this was in my inbox from my mother.....

    Amazing Home Remedies

    1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

    3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

    4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button

    6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

    7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

    Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
    You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
    If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
    If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    Remember:

    Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

    If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

    And last but not least.......if you are over 50 and wake up without pain, you're dead!
     
  2. Hertz van Rental

    Hertz van Rental TPF Noob!

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    Not recommended if you are a girl - you can come to grief on the taps.



    8. Do you want to lose 15lbs of unsightly flab? Cut your head off.

    9. Remeber the Engineer's Rule: If it doesn't work, try forcing it. If it breaks when you force it then it was obviously defective to begin with.

    10. If all else fails, read the instructions.
     
  3. Soul Rebel

    Soul Rebel TPF Noob!

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    I just got a shirt that says "If at first you dont succeed, dig through the trash for the instructions."
     
  4. Hertz van Rental

    Hertz van Rental TPF Noob!

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    I used to have a t-shirt that said 'If at first you don't succeed, pay someone else to do it and then lie.'
     
  5. Soul Rebel

    Soul Rebel TPF Noob!

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    :lmao: That would be a perfect shirt for high school....
     

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