are you Irish?

ferny · May 15, 2008

"Can I have some Irish Sausages, please?" asked the Irishman, walking
up to the counter. The assistant looked at him and asked: "Are you Irish?"

"If I had asked you for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was
Italian"? Demanded the Irishman indignantly.

"Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was
German?"

Then, warming to his theme, he went on:
"Or if I asked you for a Kosher hot dog, would you ask me if I was
Jewish?

"Or, if I asked you for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican?
Would Ya? Would Ya?"

The assistant said: "Well no".

Suitably encouraged by the success of his logic, the Irishman steps it
up a gear.

"And if I asked you for frogs legs, would you ask me if I was French"?
"What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well no, I probably wouldn't," conceded the assistant.

So, now bursting with righteous indignation, the Irishman says, "Well,
all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked
for Irish sausages?"

The assistant replied: "Because you're in f***ing Homebase!"

ferny · May 15, 2008

A man goes to the doctor as he has a problem with the insignificant size of his manhood.
He says, "Doc, I need your help. Every time a girl sees this they can't help but laugh." The doctor replies, "Well, the only thing I can offer at the moment is still in the early clinical trials stage. I'm not sure if it's for you."
The man starts begging that he'll try anything so the doctor goes on to explain. "Well," he says, "We take the extract from a baby elephant's trunk and inject it into your "problem area."
The man agrees to the treatment and after a week or two he is seeing a distinct improvement. With this new found confidence he meet's a lovely lady and decides to take her out for dinner.
So, there they are, enjoying each others company when the starters are brought out. Suddenly, the man feels a movement in his underwear, and without warning his dick rips through his trousers, reaches up and grabs the bread roll off the table before withdrawing back from whence it came.
The girl, with a twinkle in her eye, says "Wow!!! That was amazing do you think it could do that again?"
The man, through watering eyes and clenched teeth replies, "Probably but I'm not sure my arsehole could take another bread roll!!!"