C&C on my autobiography

Discussion in 'Personal and Professional Photography Websites' started by xxx_jpk_xxx, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. xxx_jpk_xxx

    xxx_jpk_xxx TPF Noob!

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    I added an autobiography to my website last night, and though I do think it's alright and it does what it's supposed to, I think it can be improved. What do you guys think? I realize I put "Biography" instead of autobiography, but autobiography sounds a little too... boring, for lack of a better word. What word do you guys think I should change Biography to?

    http://www.jpkrein.net/biography.html
     
  2. xxx_jpk_xxx

    xxx_jpk_xxx TPF Noob!

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    OH MY GOD, SHOES!

    I'm pretty sure this is a photography forum, not an advertisment forum.
     
  3. Jeff Canes

    Jeff Canes No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Well it could use a little work, you have used and started to many sentences with I or I’ve
     
  4. xxx_jpk_xxx

    xxx_jpk_xxx TPF Noob!

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    So it should be less personal?
     
  5. Jeff Canes

    Jeff Canes No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    the person info is fine, it’s sentence structure that you are using what that i think needs work, IMO it reads like a rap song
     

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