can you pass the test

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by JonMikal, Jun 27, 2005.

  1. JonMikal

    JonMikal TPF Noob!

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    Put on your best southern accent and read along...

    Sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South? Challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

    1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

    2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

    3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

    4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

    5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?

    6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

    7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

    8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

    9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

    10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

    Betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya.... There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

    As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece....

    Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

     
  2. Alison

    Alison Swiss Army Friend Supporting Member

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    Am I allowed to seek help from my resident southerner? :lmao:
     
  3. JonMikal

    JonMikal TPF Noob!

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    i was expecting something similar from you! :lol: help her out Aubrey.
     
  4. terri

    terri Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Now, this is just wrong! [​IMG]
     
  5. mentos_007

    mentos_007 The Freshmaker!

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    haha yeah I expected the same thing!!! :)
     
  6. MDowdey

    MDowdey Guest

    whats worse is i could make an educated guess on all of those...but i wont :)
     
  7. hobbes28

    hobbes28 Incredible Supporting Member

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    You and me both...

    1. 1.5 eenches
    2. c. The GTO was made out of steel and in 64, they hadn't made rustoleum yet.
    3. 7 ub'm if they done come from that chevelle that hasn't rusted yet.
    4. If Bubba is the constant, there will be at least four budweisers per tree drunken.
    5. Ozone layer? That's just one of them government conspiracies...
    6. Since it's coon season round thar, only twelve would die cause the rest would be workin.
    7. That's a trick question, you know as well as I do that you don't add land and take away from the car grounds...you just build on to your mobile home.
    8. On a secondary road, you would have an elevendy percent chance of hitting a non mufflered veeehickle.
    9. Enough to get rid of the rest of the "ozone" left over from question number five.
    10. Do I need to remind all ya'll of Billy Ray Cirus?

    :mrgreen:
     
  8. LizM

    LizM TPF Noob!

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    Better yet, just dare a Yankee to taste a Scuppernong and watch them worry!
     
  9. JonMikal

    JonMikal TPF Noob!

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    :biglaugh: :biglaugh: :biglaugh:
     

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