critique please

[JonMikal]

there are times i think i like this then i don't, so i'll let you guys have a go at it. i'm not sure if i've cut too much of the top off and the empty area to the lower right bothers me.

 

[thebeginning]

i think the area on the right helps to explain the picture, actually. slightly less tight crop on the top might help it a bit more, though. did you take it in BW or do you have it in color? color would give it some good pop, i think. great idea, and good balanced composition (at least to my eye )

 

[Alison]

The b/w tones are great, but there is something about the angle that seems off to me. It's possible that having more information from the top would help, but if it was me I would try from right behind a row that was lined up, and perhaps even do more of a crop to get just the hats and the feet in a panoramic type crop.

 

[Big Mike]

The composition just isn't doing anything for me. The hat in front of the chair seems weird as does the perspective of the band member with their butt toward us. I'm imagining the same photo without the hat/chair/person in the foreground and I think I like it better. I think it would be telling the same story but look less complicated. DO you know what I mean?

 

[Blackswann]

I agree with Mike, the composition is a little cluttered for me. What I do like, though, is the black and whites - the contrast is really great!

 

[Nikon Fan]

Something does seem odd here...but I can't put my finger on it...so here's what sticks out in my opinion

-the tones and contrast are nice, variety of different greys and blacks
-I think that the composition is balanced, maybe just a bit busy, so the lower right is actually nice IMO b/c there is so much in the lower left...
-for me this shot causes me to wonder and leaves me wanting to know more...so it does evoke feeling and emotion, just a bit of an unsettling one, so I think it's successful in that regard

 

[meotter]

i'm not a fan of this capture. i think the reason is because it doesn't tell enough of a story. unless you know it's a marching band or drum corp, it's just a bunch of odd hats sitting on a stage. even if you DO know that it's a drum corp, it still doesn't say much. maybe if you had a trumpet on a stand and an empty chair with the hat next to it, that would work a little better... for something that i don't get either haha... i think the idea is there, but the execution needs tweaking

 

[JonMikal]

thanks all! the comments really have me thinking differently about this one. i need to submit in critique more often...what a resource!!!! :thumbup:

 

[Tuna]

Works for me. The story is told well in the details - captured nicely in an unguarded, relaxed moment and presented beautifully.

Tuna

 

[photong]

The contrast is awesome. But the composition is a little busy. Those pompom things maybe?

i see the story though. or a story. not sure if its the right one

 

[JonMikal]

Works for me. The story is told well in the details - captured nicely in an unguarded, relaxed moment and presented beautifully.

Tuna

thanks Tuna, now i see why i like your work so much!

 

[Hertz van Rental]

I rather like it. The big space bottom right works to balance the clutter on the other side. It makes you work to figure out what is going on. Nicely observed, Jon.

 

[JonMikal]

I rather like it. The big space bottom right works to balance the clutter on the other side. It makes you work to figure out what is going on. Nicely observed, Jon.

thanks Hertz, but when i took this a wasn't thinking balance/space etc. we've talked before about this sort of thing and i have lots to learn. thanks for taking the time to comment!

 

[Hertz van Rental]

when i took this a wasn't thinking balance/space etc.

Not at a concious level, perhaps. But we tend to do it at a subliminal level - which is why we say things like 'it doesn't look right' or 'I just did it by eye'.
I do an awful lot of stuff by instinct and only actually think about things if they don't seem to be working in quite the way I feel they should.
I think that is how it should be.
Give yourself more credit, Jon ;-)

 

[craig]

I enjoy the tones and composition. As a "stand alone" the shot may be a little vacant. I see it working well in a photo essay.