do you know the story?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by anua, Aug 7, 2004.

  1. anua

    anua TPF Noob!

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    ha ha ha - i just couldnt resist...

    do you recognize the story? :)

    it goes like that.....

    ....There once was a man who was a hobo and liked to eat from expensive restaurants garbage bins.
    Except from French restaurants, because by the time they come out of the kitchen with the moldy, stinky, tasty cheese
    that always made him puke. He also likes to drink pink lemonade spiked with vodka.

    ...But the next morning he woke up on Gay St.,checked himself into a close bath house where he was looking to get a bath,
    (What else did you think?)...saw a couple of dirty dogs Waiting for a bone to chew on, but none
    were given to the poor dogs.
    Then Lumi & Manda came on by... they looked at him, then...
    ...laughed until they peed themselves...- because the hobo was really... MD in disguise to lure disgraced former nuns
    who like to be a little freaky....with handcuffs , priests and strange wierdly convoluted rubber implements.
    Obviously,"hobos" dont carry those, so...from his pocket, he took out a battery powered,
    fully articulated...'pen' spy-phone and dialled his sister in Argentina who is a slutty transvestite,
    with a fondness for chocolate and jello baths while playing the harmonica.
    His sister said her harmonica needed tuning...
    ...would md be the person who could tune my instrument like no other ever could?
    She said hell yes and began to blow through the holes of the beautful delicate, soft harmonica,
    but really it was his,so he walked away embarrassed as hell and went to get some chinese food and duct tape to fix
    his trusty, yet very old favorite boat.

    So he could travel to Montana and pick up batteries! But first he thought...- 'I really need to get a set of propeller
    but first, ill have a taco', - because the chinese food was tasting like it had MSG and gave him really bad gas.
    He didnt want to crap, but he knew he wanted to blow up the toilet so he laid some paper and some large sandbags around...
    and started to explode wildly...
    But the sand bag didn't contain the violent, messy eruption of hot, steamy, wet, lumpy, smelly,liquified, brown ..Shite.
    He then realised that the video camera was still on but didnt care,
    instead he put on his rubber gloves and his full body condom along with the hip waders,
    then he tried to roll a fat, freshly picked, jamaican monkey nuggets in cream sauce
    along with freshly prepared Algerian goats.
    Then all of a sudden it started to scream.
    The goat was not a goat, but something much....worse, it was Fifi.

    So...
    he opened the lubricant and...slathered it all over the green and sometimes quite pungent,
    creature,we all love so...but strangly attractive to him.
    He gently laid Fifi across his knee, and began to...spank him gently but firmly with such force and precision....
    that his cheeks sounded like a snare drum beckoning his hard yet supple and round drumsticks.
    But he resisted the urge to continue paddling Fifi...until he could find some handcuffs,Which he would use on himself,
    while Fifi began to sniff on his own...crotch.

    Then out of nowhere...the Crotch Queen appeared....and used her magic wand to turn Fifi into a
    raving nymphomaniac who liked to fornicate wildly with chocolate covered
    Bananas, Crisco, 2 D Cell batteries and a pitcher of sweet tea with lemons.
    It made Fifi horny to the point of combustion, but it dididnt matter to MD because he preferred .....
    when they don't make a movement or sound.
    Just like the goats back at home...
    Dreaming of Quadroplegic women MD opened the can of crisco but realised that she needs a hug,
    cos sometimes we need to press our boobs against each other for fun while we wrestle in the baby oil.
    This is good pie MD thought - Too bad its not apple pie....but.. Cherries are always good to
    eat and steal from little trees growing in the neighbor's Snake Pen.
    The snakes were licking each other feverishly in a large vat of melted lard. They slithered around
    venom, but lucky it wasnt too venomous for them, otherwise their skin would get all wrinkly,
    and that's just gross.
    So...they went to see a 3 breasted prostitute who gagged them and bound thier arms with chains
    to the long table in the dining room.........
    where a naked priest showed them his holy spirit and proceded to sacrifice a virgin.

    This virgin had been hard at work keeping her chastitiy from being roughly violated by wild, begging nymphomaniac nuns,
    who threaten to turn them over to the priest, Who wanted to have ritual sex eight times a day in a tub of Jello
    because the squishiness felt like cool crisco between my dirty leapord skin crotchless knickers after a wedgie.

    So then the virgin went on a long drive to Scotland, where a bearded lady from France,
    approached him to give him a nice, long thick, hairy, massive and overwhelmingly...big beer....Which he sucked down....

    Then promptly vomited back up through the tight yet soft....swedish...Fleece.

    Undaunted, he quickly grabbed his spiffy pen phone and called...Big Bertha, who was just
    around the corner selling her recently signed autographed pictures of Big Mike sittin on the throne
    wearing his Superman t-shirt and picking his left nostril wondering if he could find
    lunch.
    He wondered if Goddess would be kind enough to drop her robe to the floor and swiftly bend to
    tie his shoes...
    ...but Goddess was too busy slipping into her leather thighs to give him a nice little Kiwi to eat,
    and this displeased him to no end.
    So he...pulled out his whip and began to flog himself wildly so much that he thought he might go insane from
    boredom.

    He then wondered why his whip wasnt giving pleasure like it usually did.

    He called up Luminosity and said "Won't you come assisist me"...
    and of course she said...- "Get away you freak!"....jokingly.
    "I switched your whip for a pink electric mixer..."-" do you like it?..."
    - No wonder it felt like a different kind of whipping .
    Now that you started, won't you please, please, please, please, keep your voice down while I Whip more
    and whip it good like a monkey does to Relax himself after a long day watching all of the
    other monkeys attack humans for the sake of their Hair which they find hard to get out of their teeth without toothpicks,
    so instead They pull their teath out...and make weapons to kill
    The rival monkeys, which doesn't really concern humans, but except for the ones who are just as hairy as King Monkey's butt
    he which, in the dark, reminds me of my first wife hairy on the outside, cream for a brain...
    although she did have other attrubutes like these two huge elbows that could take down a house if she wasnt
    careful in the shower, but she is clumsy so sometimes they srap her to the bumper just for fun
    and it rarely ended well because whenever we hit a mud puddle the bumper fell of, causing Photogoddess to swerve into
    Goofups car ...which bounced off a cop car Thus ending in a total pile of steaming twisted metal
    with oil and fuel leaking from every orifice, so we walked To the car dealer down the way and asked if
    he'd heard of a bar....Called TheBarWithTheShortestNameInTheWorld, ONlyTwoWords bar...



    ... :shock: :D :lol: :lol: :lol:


    [​IMG]
     
  2. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
     
  3. Karalee

    Karalee hOtLiPs!

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    Oh my that thing got long :LOL:
     
  4. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    you are just begging for comments with that statement :shock:
     
  5. MDowdey

    MDowdey Guest

    wow, that is awesome!!


    md
     
  6. photogoddess

    photogoddess TPF Noob!

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    WOW!!! How long did it take you to do that???
     
  7. Luminosity

    Luminosity No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    I was wonderin when someone would put it all together lol :LOL:
     
  8. Luminosity

    Luminosity No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    To think that this sweet tale is reflective of the minds of TPF members ....
    *looks around at the company shes keeping and suddenly becomes afraid ....very afraid.....* :shock:
     
  9. photogoddess

    photogoddess TPF Noob!

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    You should be afraid. We're a sick bunch! REALLY sick!!! Muahahahahahahahahaha!!!
     
  10. hobbes28

    hobbes28 Incredible Supporting Member

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    That's funny. :D
     
  11. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    With Cut & Paste i should say about 2 seconds :D
     
  12. anua

    anua TPF Noob!

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    he he, right!
     

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