Does your family support this??

[pgriz]

OK, so let's make this real interesting:
1. Get her to sign up.
2. Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
3. Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.

Ugh, my wife always tries to make it a contest. I'm WAY better than her at product photography. She's WAY better than me at macro photography.

Well then work it to build the relationship - when she "wins" at whatever she's good at, shower her with praise and compliments. That costs you nothing, and yet it will probably mean a lot to her to have her skill acknowledged and validated. Who knows, maybe she'll feel inspired to reciprocate.

This is exactly what I do. But still, it's GOTTA be a contest with her... grrr women.

Well, maybe "woman". I wouldn't generalize her reaction. Most women (and most people) respond to interest in their activities and appreciation of what they do or try to do. A competitiveness with someone who's presumably close is a sign of something else.

 

[minicoop1985]

She's just competitive to begin with. She's a bit jealous that I've made a career out of photography, and is constantly wanting to one up me for that. I get it, I really do, but I don't want her to feel like I'm stealing her dreams-in fact, I think it gives us more in common that way. One of these days I think she'll realize that we're good in different areas and that it isn't a competition.

 

[webestang64]

I'm single. So I don't have that problem.

I'm single too.......and my girlfriend (well, friend with benefits) spends a lot more on her hobby, antiques.

 

[pgriz]

I have some extended family members who are extremely competitive. In each case, there are underlying issues which make the competitiveness a symptom of something else. In one case, it is the life-long learned behaviour of a person who was routinely put down by a parent and compensated by outperforming/out competing everyone in sight. He can't help himself, and this contributed to a divorce. He's trying to change his behaviour (which he acknowedges to be harmful to his relationships), but it doesn't take much to bring it out of him. In another case, the person is a very high achiever, A-type personality, but again, had some serious issues with the family. As a result, they hyper-compensate, and the competitiveness is one aspect of this. I'm not giving relationship advice over the internet, but in these and several other cases that I'm familiar with, there's always something in the person's history that creates a reason for such behaviour.

 

[bribrius]

OK, so let's make this real interesting:
1. Get her to sign up.
2. Challenge her to a duel -- TPF camera shootout.
3. Both of y'all post the results here and let the horde decide.

Ugh, my wife always tries to make it a contest. I'm WAY better than her at product photography. She's WAY better than me at macro photography.

Well then work it to build the relationship - when she "wins" at whatever she's good at, shower her with praise and compliments. That costs you nothing, and yet it will probably mean a lot to her to have her skill acknowledged and validated. Who knows, maybe she'll feel inspired to reciprocate.

the "cookie " approach. works great. Had a older friend that explained this philosophy to me years ago. "Give em a cookie ". Good job, here is your cookie... etc...

 

[Overread]

meh. Tossed one of the kids ipods in the kitchen sink a while back when they wouldn't take out the ear buds long enough to hear me. Haven't had that problem again. Not much for discussions, huge fan of perimeters and boundaries. "you can't do that! " , "uh yeah, i just did". I was raised really strict, i think it is passing down. works great. Only on the older though, who should know better. The youngest of course more lenient. so now i have that "you better listen to dad" thing.

Eh I'm not sure if casual destruction of property is the best approach to parenting. I mean ask yourself what you're teaching, you're teaching your child that if they don't get their way with something then the correct course of action is to steal something that belongs to another person and then destroy it. If done between kids at school one would classify it as bully rather than carrying ones voice nor argument.

In all the years I've known him my father only ever did such once - that was to cut the TV plug off. It carried a point, but also was a very easily repairable aspect. Nothing was long term destroyed; it carried the effect and the "threat" was more use than the actual act. Furthermore it was never something strictly used as a threat; only a last resort. Thus there was no reinforcement on a continual basis that destruction was the way to "win".


Flip the argument over, because it will happen, what happens when you do something your kids or wife doesn't like and they toss your camera out the 2nd floor window (complete with lens). They've only done what you've shown them is the correct and matured course of action to get their own way in a heated situation (esp the kids).

 

[minicoop1985]

I have some extended family members who are extremely competitive. In each case, there are underlying issues which make the competitiveness a symptom of something else. In one case, it is the life-long learned behaviour of a person who was routinely put down by a parent and compensated by outperforming/out competing everyone in sight. He can't help himself, and this contributed to a divorce. He's trying to change his behaviour (which he acknowedges to be harmful to his relationships), but it doesn't take much to bring it out of him. In another case, the person is a very high achiever, A-type personality, but again, had some serious issues with the family. As a result, they hyper-compensate, and the competitiveness is one aspect of this. I'm not giving relationship advice over the internet, but in these and several other cases that I'm familiar with, there's always something in the person's history that creates a reason for such behaviour.

The second example hits it on the head. She's ultra type A. I've talked with a few of her ex boyfriends about this, and they confirm it's not just me, that she's been like this for basically ever.

As for relationship advice, I'd say we have a pretty good relationship to begin with. This is just one of those little things that hasn't bothered me enough to make a big deal of it in the past decade.

 

[bribrius]

I have some extended family members who are extremely competitive. In each case, there are underlying issues which make the competitiveness a symptom of something else. In one case, it is the life-long learned behaviour of a person who was routinely put down by a parent and compensated by outperforming/out competing everyone in sight. He can't help himself, and this contributed to a divorce. He's trying to change his behaviour (which he acknowedges to be harmful to his relationships), but it doesn't take much to bring it out of him. In another case, the person is a very high achiever, A-type personality, but again, had some serious issues with the family. As a result, they hyper-compensate, and the competitiveness is one aspect of this. I'm not giving relationship advice over the internet, but in these and several other cases that I'm familiar with, there's always something in the person's history that creates a reason for such behaviour.

The second example hits it on the head. She's ultra type A. I've talked with a few of her ex boyfriends about this, and they confirm it's not just me, that she's been like this for basically ever.

As for relationship advice, I'd say we have a pretty good relationship to begin with. This is just one of those little things that hasn't bothered me enough to make a big deal of it in the past decade.

ultra type A? yep, your screwed. She have red hair?

 

[otherprof]

Just a thought. Anything I produce or create as it relates to my photographic skills, is met with open and unrestrained hostility from my wife. I don't even show her my work anymore. In fact I have even restricted her on my facebook page because of her demoralizing comments.
I have learned over the years that ANYTHING I buy for my obsession, HAS to come from money I have generated from sales. I would NEVER ask her to buy me anything photography related for birthday or Christmas. And yet the woman is an artist and musician herself. Oils... acrylic.. water color...and plays the piano. Go figure!

Do your significant others support your profession, obsession, hobby... oram I just an oddball??

Ian

Could it be she is jealous of your work? How do others react to you your work and hers? Or is there an issue underlying the animosity to your work that hasn't been mentioned or even discovered?

 

[minicoop1985]

ultra type A? yep, your screwed. She have red hair?

She doesn't, thankfully. That could be a bad combo.

 

[bribrius]

ultra type A? yep, your screwed. She have red hair?

She doesn't, thankfully. That could be a bad combo.

Just have to sneak something into her food to sedate her a little. (oh did i really just say that?) i really need to just stay out of these types of threads. LMAO.

 

[DarkShadow]

Leave Her or trade her in for a new model.

 

[minicoop1985]

Nah, she's actually a very loyal woman. This is just one of those little quibbles. It's not a divorce worthy offense by any means.

 

[DarkShadow]

Thats for the OP.

 

[bribrius]

Nah, she's actually a very loyal woman. This is just one of those little quibbles. It's not a divorce worthy offense by any means.

irreconcilable differences works for most people. She likes vanilla ice cream and i like chocolate. So we don't get along.