Dr. ferny will see you now.

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by ferny, Jan 11, 2007.

  1. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    Do you have problems in your life? Do your ulcerations have lacerations resulting in further inflammation? Do you have a strange obsession with animals of the fluffy variety and seek assistance in exorcising you of your daemons? Does everywhere you look seem blue? Yes Dr. ferny can even remove the Quality Street wrapper from in front of your eyes.

    So if you need help of a medical, spiritual or physical nature, or just some counselling then call 555-hotfernyinadoctorscoat or post in this here thread and I'll see what my years of lack of knowledge and I'll peruse my huge collection of join-the-dots medical encyclopaedia to give you the answers you need.
     
  2. terri

    terri Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    :raises hand meekly:

    Did you take your medication today....? Usual dosage, or maybe a wee bit extra to give you that extra bolt of confidence? You can tell me.... :)
     
  3. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    Nope just permanently drunk due to my large consumption of alcohol and biscuits. That and I'm just trying to inject a bit of life into the forum. :)

    Now Mrs Sprinkle, just pop behind the screen and remove your clothes. You will find a small gown to change into. Sorry if it's a little bit tight, they only had extra extra small. I'll be around there in one moment. ;)
     
  4. Alex_B

    Alex_B No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    my stomach... well, feels strange!

    it is like... empty!

    what can i do?
     
  5. lostprophet

    lostprophet No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    funny you should ask this :blushing:
     
  6. markc

    markc TPF Noob!

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    Does this look infected to you?
     
  7. terri

    terri Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    I touched a digital camera by accident, and now I have a rash on my hand. Do you think it's related? :pale:
     
  8. fmw

    fmw No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Only if it is a solid state rash. ;)
     
  9. markc

    markc TPF Noob!

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    Is it all shiny and trying to crawl down your throat?
     
  10. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    The quick fix is to eat food. However, that is only a short term fix, can have varying degrees of success and can prove costly in the long run.

    For a permanent option you could try squirting some expandable builders foam down your throat. You'll have to experiment with the amount to use. Too little and you'll still feel empty. I suggest using small amounts and leaving five minutes in between squirts to see how it feels to you. Each person will require a different amount.

    Be warned, far too much and you will explode. A small overdose is safe however. And it has the added advantage of making you look pregnant which will make finding a seat on a busy bus or train far easier. But it will be permanent and your breasts will not grow.
     
  11. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    Yes. But the smell is far worse. Yet for some reason it still tastes fresh.

    I suggest you give it further time and add some sugar. In six weeks you will have 40% alcohol which you can sell to tramps and teenagers.
     
  12. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    *ahem* Sorry about that. You'll have to translate that for you to understand that. I am far too busy playing solitaire now to assist you.
     

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