'Foreign' English!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Mitica100, Jul 28, 2004.

  1. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpuse.

    In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpuse.

    In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodist.

    A traslated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

    In a Rome laudry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

    In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

    Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

    On the tap in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

    In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

    On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranted to work throughout its useful life.

    Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

    In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

    In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even foreigner if dressed as a man.

    In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

    In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.

    On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to USSR, you are welcome to it.

    In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

    At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

    In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

    In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towel please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.

    In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

    In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

    In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter backwards, and only when lit up.

    In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

    In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

    In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

    In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

    In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

    In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

    Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

    In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

    On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

    In the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up the country people's fashion.

    In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

    Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

    In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

    In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

    In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

    Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

    In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

    In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.

    From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

    From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

    Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
    -English well talking.
    -Here speeching American.


    In a Bed & Breakfast in France: The genuine antics in your room come from our family castle. Long life to it.

    In a Bed & Breakfast in France: Please avoid coca watering, cream cleaning, wet towels wrapping, and ironing drying.

    Instructions on a packet of convenience food from Italy: Besmear a backing pan, previously buttered with a good tomato sauce, and, after, dispose the cannelloni, lightly distanced between them in a only couch.

    Message printed on an eraser: Mr. Friendly Quality Eraser. Mr. Friendly Arrived!! He always stay near you, and steals in your mind to lead you to a good situation. We are ecologically minded. This package will self-destruct in Mother Earth.

    In the Europa Hotel, in Sarajevo, Yugoslavia: Guests should announce the abandonment of theirs rooms before 12 o'clock, emptying the room at the latest until 14 o'clock, for the use of the room before 5 at the arrival or after the 16 o'clock at the departure, will be billed as one night more.


    :lol:

    At least they make a valiant effort, for the benefit of our smiles!
     
  2. voodoocat

    voodoocat ))<>(( Supporting Member

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    Gotta love it!

    www.engrish.com is a good place for that sort of thing.
     
  3. MDowdey

    MDowdey Guest

    :lol:


    i love engrish


    md
     
  4. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Thanks yet again Mitica!
     

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