This thread includes my joke of the day as told to the office this morning. Enjoy... George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get ****faced. After about three hours of guzzling liquor, George threw up all over his shirt. "****!" he said. "The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!" Bill, George's best pal, gave George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife. "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door," Bill said. "Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned." When George got home, his wife was waiting for him in the living room. "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!" she said. George replied, "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned." His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills. "Is that so?" she said. "Then where did the other $20 bill come from?" "Oh, that's from the guy who crapped in my pants," George said.