Grammar lesson

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Nagala, Oct 19, 2004.

  1. Nagala

    Nagala TPF Noob!

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    I've noticed some pretty poor grammar in these forums, so I figured some easy rules might help.

    The Rules of Grammar

    1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
    2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
    3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
    4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
    5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
    6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
    7. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
    8. Be more or less specific.
    9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
    10. No sentence fragments.
    11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
    12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
    13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than unnecessary; it is
    highly superfluous.
    14. One should never generalize.
    15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
    16. Do not use no double negatives.
    17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
    18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
    19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
    20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
    21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
    (however)
    should be enclosed in commas.
    22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one will suffice.
    23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
    24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
    25. Profanity is for assholes.
    26. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
    shattering ideas.
    27. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
    needed.
    28. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
    quotations. Tell me what you know."
    29. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
    hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
    30. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
    31. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
    32. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
    33. Who needs rhetorical questions?
    34. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

    And finally:
    35. Proof read carefully to see if you any words out.
     
  2. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Love it, very clever way to get the point across!
     
  3. ceno2000

    ceno2000 I AM PUNK ROCK!!

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    :irked: sorry i could not find one sticking out its tongue (however)
    i think this onw will work
     
  4. terri

    terri Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Now that was really good!! :D <<--oh dear, double exclamation points...
     
  5. Corry

    Corry Flirtacious and Bodacious Supporting Member

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    I am the queen of the multiple exclamation points!!!!
     
  6. ceno2000

    ceno2000 I AM PUNK ROCK!!

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    well i guess he wont want to read my post any more
     
  7. John E.

    John E. TPF Noob!

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    Wonder if there ain't a rule I never broke? :)

    I copied and saved the rules, they will come in handy for work.
    The rules were quite funny.

    Thanks Nagala.
     
  8. fadingaway1986

    fadingaway1986 I Burn Easily :(

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    Too many big words for me.
     
  9. Sharkbait

    Sharkbait TPF Noob!

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    Classic!! Coming from an English teacher, that's a beaut! It's definitely going on the wall in my classroom. :D :thumbsup:
     
  10. santino

    santino TPF Noob!

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    I'm no native speaker but ain't that a double negative? ;)
     
  11. mentos_007

    mentos_007 The Freshmaker!

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    you see.... I try to be communicative more that grammatically correct :)
     
  12. Osmer_Toby

    Osmer_Toby TPF Noob!

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    hmmmm. i wish the list could have been more precise in certain areas.
     

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