Health advice

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by lostprophet, Jan 17, 2008.

  1. lostprophet

    lostprophet No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    HEALTH: QUESTION AND ANSWER SESSION WITH DR. FEELGOOD

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?



    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...
    don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.

    Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like

    saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
    Want to live longer? Take a nap.





    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?




    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
    and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more

    than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

    Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass

    (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
    recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.




    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?



    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
    that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even

    more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
    up!







    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?



    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
    one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.







    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
    exercise program?




    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain... Good !









    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?



    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable
    oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
    vegetables be bad for you?










    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?


    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
    should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.






    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?



    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!






    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?



    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.







    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?



    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!




    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
    about food and diets.

    And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
    arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather

    to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other
    - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO,
    What a Ride !!!!
     
  2. doenoe

    doenoe TPF Noob!

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    whahaha, i think i can live like this

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
    This one cracked me up
     
  3. LaFoto

    LaFoto Just Corinna in real life Staff Member Supporting Member

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    [​IMG] I edited the title for you, Andy, adding the missing "l" in "health", ok? For all the time I thought "What kind of advice could he possible give me on the heath? Which heath? L√ľneburg Heath?" ;)
     
  4. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    Cocoa beans are a seed, not a vegetable.
     
  5. Corry

    Corry Flirtacious and Bodacious Supporting Member

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    :biglaugh: I loved that last bit!
     
  6. Tangerini

    Tangerini TPF Noob!

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    :lmao: Too funny!
     

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