Homer Simpson quotes

[Darfion]

Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!
It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won!
Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
You don't win friends with salad.
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Trying is the first step towards failure.
They have the Internet on computers now?
Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Do I know what rhetorical means?

 

[Corry]

Homer is the best! I'll show these to my bf...we're both Simpsons fanatics!

 

[Big Mike]

Alcohol, the root of and solution to, all of life's problems.

 

[hobbes28]

Marge... I'm not going to lie to you.... *keeps on doing what he was doing*

 

[MDowdey]

homer : "no beer or donuts makes homer something something..."

marge : "go crazy?"

homer : "DONT MIND IF I DO!!!!! WOOOO HOOOO(spins on floor using his head)


md

 

[Lula]

Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!
It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won!
Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
You don't win friends with salad.
You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Trying is the first step towards failure.
They have the Internet on computers now?
Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
Do I know what rhetorical means?

 

[Corry]

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.


I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

 

[Walt]

Operator, give me the number for nine-one-one!

As strange as that may sound, I was at our dispatch center once (ambulance) and a caller actually asked one of the dispatchers that question! :shock:

 

[steve817]

My favorite was when Bart switched out the music at church. When they were supposed to play a hymn they started playing In A Godda Davida by Iron Butterfly. Homer lovingly looks at Marge and says

"Marge...Remember when we used to make out to this hymn?

 

[Geronimo]

Those are great. I found this link awhile ago.

http://smacie.com/randomizer/simpsons/homer.html

Oh and I always found this one interesting

Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos!

 

[luckydog]

How about the old monorail episode quote.

Mmmm doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do!

 

[jadin]

Homer: Use the forks Luke!
Hamil: The force?!?
Homer: No, the forks!

.. Hamil stabs a guy in the leg with a fork.

 

[mad_malteaser]

As strange as that may sound, I was at our dispatch center once (ambulance) and a caller actually asked one of the dispatchers that question! :shock:

You better believe it! I work in a dispatch centre, I'm never tired of people's stupidity!!

 

[mygrain]

"D'oh!"

 

[malachite]

Sticks finger in first jelly dounut: Mmmmmm......Cherry
Sticks finger in second jelly dounut: Lemonnnnn............
Sticks finger in third Jelly dounut: Mmmmm.........uh.........Puuuurrrrrple..........