how often...

I agree...don't blame yourself. You were honest and what else could you do? His reaction proves that he is a jerk.

You may not want to hear this, but maybe you parents were right to be suspicious about a 29 year old man who wants to date a woman who is that much younger than himself. After all, weren't they just trying to protect you?
 
Mentos,
Sometimes you have to follow your heart and not worry about what others think (i.e. your parents). Your parents will always love you, even if they seem mad about choices that you make - but the choices are yours. You are an adult and you should have the right to make adult decisions.
If I would have listened to everyone who told me not to follow my heart, marry the man I love, or not to have so many children, I would not be who I am today. I love my husband of almost 8 years and I love every minute of my children's lives....and..those who doubted me and ridiculed me about the choices I have made are no longer able to do so, because I did not allow them to.
 
thanks Mike for a reply... finally a man said something here.
I understand that my parents could have been nervous... worried... but.. i think it is high time for them to trust me...
 
anicole said:
mentos, :hugs:

No one can fault you for being honest! He should be proud to be a part of your life ... you were honest with him and told him that you had things to get sorted out and responsibilities to take care of! Anyone worth their salt would have nothing but respect for you for that. If he's aware of your situation at home, he should be more understanding and accepting of that, especially if you're in a relationship - however new it is - with him.

You are worth it, Mentos ... DO NOT ever let anyone make you think otherwise! Don't ever step down to someone ... don't ever settle. You're special ... and should be treated as such.

I agree with Anicole. Trust me, I know what it's like to have been raised in a strict home - it's a LOT of pressure. I'm older now and still get a lot of pressure from home. Your friend should've been a lot more understanding - especially since he's 29 and should have some maturity about him. His reaction shows a bit of immaturity. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You dared to have a relationship and you didn't know where it would lead. No one ever does when they first begin! Just know that this will pass and you are cared for - even though none of us can put our physical arms around you right now - we're there in spirit! :) :hug::
 
MommyOf4Boys said:
Mentos,
Sometimes you have to follow your heart and not worry about what others think (i.e. your parents). Your parents will always love you, even if they seem mad about choices that you make - but the choices are yours. You are an adult and you should have the right to make adult decisions.
If I would have listened to everyone who told me not to follow my heart, marry the man I love, or not to have so many children, I would not be who I am today. I love my husband of almost 8 years and I love every minute of my children's lives....and..those who doubted me and ridiculed me about the choices I have made are no longer able to do so, because I did not allow them to.

so.. you say that I should've ignored my parents' comments? and just continue everything?
 
I don't know how to make the hug emoticon, but just pretend there is one here--->

As has been said by many others, you can't blame yourself. While it can be difficult to just ignore the wishes of your parents, sometimes that's what needs to be done, it's your life, and you are the one who has to decide how to live it. That being said, the guy doesn't seem to have acted in the most mature way, but we don't know him, and if you think he's right for you, then you should try and be with him.

I'm bad at advice so ignore as much of this as you want to...
 
omeletteman said:
I don't know how to make the hug emoticon, but just pretend there is one here--->

As has been said by many others, you can't blame yourself. While it can be difficult to just ignore the wishes of your parents, sometimes that's what needs to be done, it's your life, and you are the one who has to decide how to live it. That being said, the guy doesn't seem to have acted in the most mature way, but we don't know him, and if you think he's right for you, then you should try and be with him.

I'm bad at advice so ignore as much of this as you want to...


but how to know if he's the right man? it's too hard for me right now... maybe I'm not too mature to start my own life yet...
 
If you're quite tough & single minded you should go for what you think is right for you. (listening to offered advice of course!)

If not, then sit tight & bide your time. Eventually your circumstances will change and you'll be in a more favourable position to decide your own future. :D

Relationships come & go & what you think might be the one right now won't be a patch on the one in 5 years time! To make things more difficult you won't know this until it happens either! But take some comfort in knowing that in time everything will be different again!

Oh BTW

:hug::

(It's like womens lib in here! :lol: )
 
mentos_007 said:
but how to know if he's the right man? it's too hard for me right now... maybe I'm not too mature to start my own life yet...

If he's The One ... he'll support you, give you time and work with you! He's older, I'm assuming he's settled in his life ... you're just starting out and juggling restrictive parents, school and extra curriculars ... AND trying to have a social life. Even if he's simply The One Right Now ... he should still support you and be understanding. That's what a relationship is all about. If you have to walk on eggshells, tiptoe around and police what you say, that's not what a relationship is all about.

Parents are a different story ... though at your age, they should be a little more open to you spreading your wings a bit. Otherwise, how will you grow?

Take some time, Mentos ... breathe a while. You deserve some support and time.
 
mentos_007 said:
thanks Mike for a reply... finally a man said something here.
I understand that my parents could have been nervous... worried... but.. i think it is high time for them to trust me...

You are right, it is time for them to trust you...but you are at that stage where they don't want to let go...and you want nothing more than to be free of them. My wife went though the same thing...she moved out at 16 (I think) and didn't talk to her parents for a while. She tried so hard to be free that she almost went too far. Now she has grown up and is very close with her parents.

You do have to "leave the nest" as some point...but remember that your parents were also that age at one time...and they probably went though the same thing as you. They should also be reminded that they were young as well.

As for the Jerk...Hey, I'm a 29 year old guy...and I know what most guys would probably be thinking of if they were dating a pretty young girl like you. Don't get me wrong...I don't know the guy....but if he said that to you...it's probably better to see his true colors now, rather than later.

I don't know what my point is....but your situation is not uncommon...it happens to just about everybody at some point. Hopefully you will be stronger in the end...and still the smart, fun loving girl that we all know you are.
 
mentos_007 said:
so.. you say that I should've ignored my parents' comments? and just continue everything?

Not necessarily ignore them, but feel free to make your own choices. Take into consideration what they have to say and let them know you are taking their thoughts into consideration. But ultimately it is your life you are dealing with here. Like I said, you are an adult and as an adult you know right from wrong, have the right to make your own decisions, and if you make the wrong decisions, that is ok! Life is about learning and if you do not make mistakes, what do you have to learn from? This man that you are dating may not be the right one, he may not be the man you marry, but isn't that your choice to decide that and learn from your relationship with him? How many people out there wound up marrying or settling down with one of the first people that they dated? I am sure there are some that have, but there are quite a bit more that have not.
I hate to give examples of my own life in these situations, but as I stated, life is full of living and learning..I was involved with someone for a couple of years, even had my oldest child from him. I grew up a lot in those two years, realized he was not the man I wanted to settle down with, moved on and met my husband. I am also not saying that being with this man is a mistake? He could be the ONE..but you will never know if you do not life live to the fullest and follow your heart...you only live once, you cannot go back and change the past, so do what makes YOU happy!
 
Also, sometimes when people are hurt (even though you did not intentionally try to hurt him) we say hurtful things in return. This man may not be a bad guy, just that was he way of reacting to the shock.
 
mentos_007 said:
----------if you are in a good mood - DON'T READ THIS---------------

how often do you want to hide somewhere so nobody can see you? how often do you know that you've just burned all the bridges behind you and everything is falling apart??? and... why the heck it is always me who ruins something wonderful?


-----------if you read this... you can start crying with me-------------
cheers

Oh Minty Sweety, I didn't read anything but your post, so I don't know what's gone on since you posted this, but I wanted to give you some rep, but it said I needed to spread the lovin' so I couldn't...but I did in spirit!
 

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