how to politely decline shooting a wedding

[JerryPH]

Ask them for enough cash to buy the equipment you need to do the job right.

That should get them off your shoulders.

Then you look like a jerk to family and friends. Honesty would serve better, IMHO.

 

[JIP]

I totally agree. My mom thinks it would be a "great wedding present" and that I'll look very selfish declining. Since I'm the "photographer in the family".. I'm an amateur, and I shoot children. Soooo far from being a wedding photographer.
.

Yeah I guess a thousand dollars or so worth of work would be a "nice wedding present"

There has been some really good replies here in this thread. I totally understand your situation. A few years ago I used to DJ in a nightclub, and on a college radio station and someone asked me to DJ a wedding for them. I have never done a show like that before and would have been a complete contrast from what I was normally spinning. I accepted the challenge and advised the bride and groom that I may not perform as well as they think I might.

There is a hell of a big difference beteween going from a club DJ to a wedding DJ an going from a kid shooter to a wedding photographer. I think the job has been covered soo many times here that I wlll not get into it but there is alot more involved with shooting a wedding and there is alot bigger learning curve.

 

[*Mike*]

Shooting weddings for family is a dangerous game. I'd politely decline. Explain that you were planning on enjoying the wedding and the reception, and that you can't if you're behind a camera.

Learn how to say "no," without being adversarial. It'll help you a lot in your business...

Personally, we don't shoot family weddings. At times we have - and we've been reminded why we don't.

 

[deudeu]

Then you look like a jerk to family and friends. Honesty would serve better, IMHO.

Or it would them realize that it makes more equipement and skill than you have.

I like how you and I always disagree Jerry, but you will probably agree with me on this one. If there is one group of people that knows me in this world, it is my family, and because of this I am really not worried about wether or not i sound like jerk when i am around them!

 

[KristinaS]

Here's an idea you might suggest to them. It's something I did even though I did hire a professional photographer.

Suggest to them to put note cards on all of the reception tables asking anyone taking pictures to send them copies if they can. In addition to getting some of the traditional shots I got a lot of candids that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Instead of being their wedding photographer you can contribute your pictures this way if you plan on taking your camera.

 

[Aggressor]

You certainly have the skill, but perhaps not the experience you like, but from a business/professional development point of view, this could be a good thing.

Your cheap/free wedding could yield you a lot more follow on (paid) work. After all, many wedding attendees are also parents... Parents with children who now know a photographer who specializes in child photography!

On the other hand, if you really don't want the pressure of being the "official photographer," you could try a line that someone suggested from another thread: "Would you like me to shoot the wedding as a friend (cousin) or as a professional?" That way you could clarify their request and manage their expectations.

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

Ask them how important an event do THEY feel it is for the bride and groom. Ask them why don't they get a professional worthy of their special day.

Its always the question when people don't hire prof. wedding photog for their wedding. I know why my cousin isn't, as this is like a shotgun wedding with mostly just my family and doing pot luck with a JOP. I know she's young and has no money.. the wedding is probably not the best idea, but its her life.

However, my BFF is getting married in October and they are going the whole 8 yards. I say 8 because they are missing going that last yard by refusing to hire a prof wedding photographer. They are putting dispoable (YES disposable) cameras on each of the reception tables and having people do it that way. Luckily, I'm in the bridal party so they can't ask me to do pictures for htme :lmao:

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

I was going to shoot some, considering I will get better shots than the few p&s's that will be there.. but I just don't want them to have those super high expectations that I am the "official" wedding photographer.

I told my mom this in an email:
"Please don't say I will be their wedding photographer, it is not a job I am equipped to handle. I will do the best I have with the resources I have but I do not have the skill to do wedding photography."

I feel bad.. I don't want them to think I'm being stingy or anything. Just that I'm not qualified.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! My mom just emailed me back, I wrote to her what I quoted above, word for word. This is what she had to say:
screw you asshole


Nice!!!!!

 

[robitussin217]

I agree with phranquey, rkw3, aggressor, and djrichie. Find time to talk about it and explain the difficulties; that unless they pay for you to get the right equipment, the shots won't be close to professional. And, then just try your best. I think you have a good opportunity to get some experience. And, here's the cliche; it IS family. You might even try to get them in the same setting you take those good kid shots and take a shot they can hang over their mantle.

 

[KOrmechea]

Some one I work with did the disposable thing. They got a ton of pictures and were pleased. I think it's a decent alternative.

I thought about doing my brother's wedding just for some experience (and because I'm sure a photographer isn't in the budget). Then I looked at how much work's involved.

Good thing I didn't mention anything to him...

Good luck with whatever happens.

EDIT:

My mom just emailed me back... This is what she had to say:
screw you asshole

Wow, that's pretty lame. Really lame, actually.

It may be hopeless, but try describing to her what all is involved in shooting a wedding (equipment, post work, etc.). That should explain most of the cost of a decent wedding photographer (and why you don't feel you're qualified). Also, maybe you could recommend the disposable camera thing to her too.

Sorry she's not being as reasonable as you are.

 

[Sarah23]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! My mom just emailed me back, I wrote to her what I quoted above, word for word. This is what she had to say:
screw you asshole


Nice!!!!!

WHAT?!?!?!?! Your MOTHER said that to you??? What the crap?? You are just being truthful! Its not like you can pull hundreds of dollars of equipement and experience out your @$$?????

 

[MarcusM]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! My mom just emailed me back, I wrote to her what I quoted above, word for word. This is what she had to say:
screw you asshole


Nice!!!!!

Wow! What's up with that?

Doesn't sound like a Mom-type thing to say to her daughter.

 

[usayit]

Wonderful example of parenting...

The last time I heard something similar was from an overhyped pushy parent at a high school sports event....

 

[kellylindseyphotography]

ya. my mom is something else. i dunno whats wrong with her lately.. our relationship never used to be like this.

 

[Parkerman]

I was told once, Don't do anything for free... Always charge something. Or else you will get abused because... "oh hey.. so and so will do it for free"

Its your cousin, If it was a brother or sister... Doing a free job wouldn't be so bad. Unless you happen to be tight with this cousin.

I would just tell them straight up that the pictures will not turn out as good as you want. Or... "Well crap, thats the day that im having my SLR professionally cleaned"