I was in a posh restaurant and the waiter brought me my duck on a plate. The duck looked at me and said: "You're eyes are like diamonds and your presence fills me with joy." I looked at the waiter and said: "Waiter, I asked for aromatic duck.." ============================================================ Was putting some flowers on a grave the other day,when I saw 4 gravediggers carrying a coffin. I passed the cemetery about 4 hours later and they were still carrying the coffin around. I thought to myself, "Those idiots have lost the plot!"