Instructions!!

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Mitica100, May 19, 2004.

  1. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Actual instructions taken from products around the world:

    In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:

    1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

    2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

    3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

    4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

    5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

    6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

    7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET. (Ouch!!)

    8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

    9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

    10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

    11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)

    12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be HOW??)

    13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)

    14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

    15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)

    16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)

    17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)

    18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)

    19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)

    20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

    21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

    22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

    23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.

    24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

    25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

    26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)

    :lol:
     
  2. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    funny stuff miti! keep 'em coming!
     
  3. Big Mike

    Big Mike I am Big, I am Mike Staff Member Supporting Member

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    I once purchased a piece of oiled leather that was for putting a smooth finish on a pool cue. The instructions were hilarious...I don't remember them very well but...

    Grasp shaft firmly while keeping tip pointed away from you, to avoid injury.

    Use firm even strokes.



    there were more but I'm drawing a blank.
     
  4. Luminosity

    Luminosity No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Chuckle
     
  5. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Thanks Mitica!
    It's sad but if you understood how ridiculous lawsuits are hitting companies (remember the McDonalds coffee in the lap case?) it becomes normal to add warning labels to everything!
     
  6. drlynn

    drlynn TPF Noob!

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    That's why Preparation H says "Not for Oral use."

    Can you imagine the complaint letter that caused that little note?

    "I have eaten the whole $##@#$ tube, I STILL got these hemorrhoids.
    This stuff would be doing me just as much good if I was shoving it up my A$$!"
     
  7. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    On certain 'screw-top' bottles of soft drink over here, it says:
    OPEN BY HAND.

    Oh right! I was thinking of using my feet.
     
  8. Sharkbait

    Sharkbait TPF Noob!

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    I always roll my eyes at food packages that show the food on the front and say, "Serving Suggestion." Duhhhhh.
     
  9. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    With the present education system in this country I'd believe it but the spelling wouldn't be as good! :lol:
     
  10. drlynn

    drlynn TPF Noob!

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    Actually Sid, that last line is one I've heard before. When I was doing my intern hours at a local retail pharmacy, an older gentleman walked in and you could see the steam coming from his ears.

    He walked back to the prescription counter, slammed his bottle of hemorrhoid suppositories down and shouted out "These things would be doing me just as much good if I was shoving them up my a$$!"

    Luckily for me, I was the lowly intern, so I could run into the stockroom and roll around in the floor while the pharmacist had to stand there with a straight face and tell him that they'd actually do him MORE good if he would.
     

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