Its Over.

There are several positive things in your email. The lines of communication are open, which is important. She invited you over, which is a very good sign. And she let you see the youngest, who is the one with the bruise (which you thought might have been what started this, in your words). All are hopeful signs. She can see you want to work things out and that you love her and the kids. The ball is in her court and you'll have to give her a bit of time to think things over. The counselling idea is good and I hope she agrees. You're going to have to be patient, for now, and not push her.

Be strong. You can get through this. And I agree with comments made above that on TPF you have people who care and who have been through this and can give insight.
 
Soul Rebel, I would like to give you a story of hope, and some advice.

I don't want to do it out in the open though.

PM me.
 
You are at the point of communication right now, that is a positive step. In my opinion women want someone who is independant and strong. I know the thought of loosing your woman, and those children must be eating at you HOWEVER, you need to focus on yourself. Making yourself the best person you can be in every situation. This is not saying you are bad in anyway but we all have room for improvement. She will see this and say "I want this man to be my children's father". This is (in my opinion) your goal. You need the time away to focus on your strengths and make them stronger, focus on your weaknesses and make them strengths. We all make mistakes some small and some huge but each changes our lives, how they change our lives we have some control over. Use this as your opportunity to make the best of a lousy situation. Your thoughs of empyness are natural I think we all have gone through that once or twice, I know I did a few times. But who will want someone who does nothing, who is gloomy, searching for pitty? Who will want someone who has nothing to offer? I know you are more than that and have a world to offer this woman and those children. You may not be thinking about yourself right now so think of the children and the father you want them to have. Someone who is loving, careing, offers diciplin when needed, and all the quailties we view as the model father. You need to become that person not only inwardly but outward. Remember the model father is not always your best friend.

We go through a lot of crap in life it all passes. What we take from it, how we react to it, how we improve from it, makes us better people.

I will pray for you. :thumbup:
 
After reading a little more of your posts can I please adise you BE ****ING CAREFUL.

You DO NOT want to end up in JAIL. And believe you me. IT CAN HAPPEN if you're not careful. And please for the love of God start documenting phone calls. Record them if necessary. Keep all these e-mails. Get a lawyer now!!! It may seem like over kill but when you're defending yourself against someone who will have all the rights even if she's lieing, you'll thank me.

A loved one of mine lost everything to a woman who said the right lie at the right time. THANK GOD this man stuck to his heart and followed through. He now has FULL custody of two children despite being in Jail for 3 months and claiming bankruptcy.

Custody battles aren't won by criminals though. It took a long time to prove to the judges that he wasn't what SHE said he was.

Please, prepare now. It would have been much easier. Get a lawyer now. They will advise you of the best route to take to make sure you're not immediately labeled as a criminal.
 
Not bad advice bace...documenting everything, no matter how odd it seems now, isn't a bad idea.

ok...going out on a limb here, and not trying to pass judgement, but there's gotta be a better way to discipline a child than biting them back. That's got social services written ALL over it (and removal of the child), especially with bruising. That sounds like the last thing you need right now...
 
Well nobody is calling the cops, from either side. We have taken pictures of the house and my parents and a family friend have written statements in case. I havent because it means I have to sit and write bad things about Michelle and I dont want to do that.

I saw our youngest the day before yesterday and he came right to me. Well, after he came up and felt my face since I shaved everything off. He gave me a few kisses.

She says that our oldest wants to see me on monday, my birthday, to say good bye. I am not sure how to take that but I can see some good in it. It shows that he cares enough to say good bye. Maybe he thinks it has to be. Maybe I can tell him that it doesnt have to be and that I want to stay in his life. I just dont know.

Michelle said she loved me when I saw her first, and that she cared about me, but at this point she wasnt sure if she was "in love" with me. When I saw her yesterday I said I loved her and she said she knew. She didnt say it back. I have to realize she cant, I guess.

I did ask her about whether she had talked to Myron, the oldest, and she said that this was going to take some time. I expressed my worry and that I was scared and she said this was going to take some time. Why would she say that. Why didnt she say I know and go with that? I dont want to get my hopes too high but I think she wants this to work at some point.

Yesterday I went to a therapist at 1 and another at 4. The one at four I had to pay and he specilizes in anger management. He runs a class every Wednesday, which runs for 12 weeks, and I will be going to that starting this next week. I am excited about that. I am also going to call about some parenting classes. I should do that now.

I want to be hopeful but I also want to be ready if this doesnt work. I cant force her into anything. I just dont want to see us let this go without seeing if it will work. I dont think either of us want to live our lives wondering what could have been.
 
It sounds like you are taking the correct steps.

Let this take as much time as it needs to get worked out. Get out with your camera and spend some time photographing and thinking, take a friend with you. Don't let yourself just sit around dwelling on everything because it makes things worse.

Write down your thoughts.

Sounds like things are better than a couple of days ago. Right?

All things work out in time.
 
I have a tape recorder that I have been talking into when I need to talk. Right now all I have is my mother. My "best friend" has not been reachable. I dont have anybody to go take pictures with. I think getting out by myself will be good though.

The kids are staying with me tonight. We talked and I said that if she needed help with the kids just let me know. She asked if I wanted to watch them and I said yes. Our oldest wanted to see somebody in Forks but he said he wanted to stay with me. So they are here.

Me and Michelle talked and I said that we should be friends. She said that if that was what was going to happen then we couldnt talk about the future. And it would be awhile before we talked about things that happened in the past. That is good right? Especially since the kids wanted to come here. That has to be good, right? She said she does love me.
 
Just take care of those children! Leave everything else until they go home. Enjoy every minute they are there. Have fun with them!
 
tmpadmin said:
Just take care of those children! Leave everything else until they go home. Enjoy every minute they are there. Have fun with them!

I am. Brayden is sleeping so I took a minute to stop here and let everybody know what is going on. Since you all have been a HUGE help to me. I wanted to keep you all updated.

We are going to go to the park when Brayden wakes up. Im not sure if I am going to go with just me and Myron and leave Brayden with my mom. I know that Michelle said that she wanted my mom around when I took the kids. I dont know if that would not be a good sign to them or if it would cause concern. I know that Michelle trusts my mom with Brayden.

What should I do?
 
JonMikal said:
if you begin to start blaming yourself, nip it in the bud! constantly remind yourself of the truth and your good qualities, and if you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your friends to remind you. try to focus on doing the things you normally do to keep your mind off of the negative and keep yourself busy.

it takes time for sadness to go away. almost everyone thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing (trust me)...and the heartbreak almost always heals after a while. it's gonna be tough, but hang in there. like Tammy said...lean on us whenever you feel the need. you've just taken your first step in the right direction towards dealing with this. :thumbup:

take care and eat well...these situations tend to take a huge toll on your body. in the interest of your children and your sanity, be strong and keep your head up!


At first it was all my fault. I am starting to see that a lot of this IS my fault, but I also realize that its not ALL my fault. We both had issues going on that put an end to this relationship, at least for now. The one thing that has been the toughest is that I have had to rely on my friends online. The other message board I go to was supportive but really I didnt get much of a response. I was given some advice and it was let go at that. This place has been amazing and being a new member I really was surprised that I got as much support as I have. In real life (should I call it that? Friends online are pretty darn real) I dont have anybody to turn to. The one friend I thought would help me along is more concerned with other things and when we had a serious discussion he texted his girlfriend. My mom has been a huge help but she is my mom and she is pretty biased. That is how she should be though. I have a couple of people I talked to on and off but their advice is to just let them go. Stop seeing Michelle and the kids. I am not willing to do that.

I dont do much. I didnt when we were together. Other than take pictures there wasnt much I left the house for. So filling my time has been tough. Tomorrow is my b-day and that is going to be hard. Michelle said we could do something and my parents want to have dinner. Tuesday I am thinking about heading to Seattle for the day with my camera and a change of batteries. Wednesday I have anger management so I have to keep that open. The rest of the week is open. My mom got me season 1 of CSI so that I have something to watch over a long period of time.

Other than that I dont know. Eating has been difficult. Nothing tastes good and I am hardly hungry.

If its alright and people dont feel that I am stretching this situation out....could I post what I am feeling during the day, even if I post 3-4 times? It makes me feel good and I feel that, for the first time, there are a group of people here willing to listen.

I said thank you awhile back for the community. I have to say it again. You guys have been amazing and I appreciate this more than I have ever appreciated anything (other than the day Michelle said yes)
 
To quote one of the mods who responded to your original posts, "Just continue to use this place as a sounding board, because it helps to purge." It sounds like you need an outlet, and from the numerous and thoughtful replies you've received, there are a lot of caring people on the forum willing to 'listen'. I know I am.
 
Yeah, I know. Its just I constantly feel like a burden. Especially here at home. My mom took 2 days off of work to be around because I was a mess. Emotionally and physically. I was crying constantly and not eating. I cant believe how helpful she has been and at 24 years of age its nice to know she will still be there.

I know I have also been told to not feel that way. That my posting on this subject is not a burden. However, this is a feeling that has been hard for me to shake. Not just with this but really with a lot of things in my life.

Thank you again.
 
Don't say that you have no reason to live..

yes you do have the reason...you still have your kids and just think of this that this is not the end of the world..

this is just the beggining of your new tomorrow..

Always trust God cause He never give us trials without the reason...all pain and sufferings is just a trial and He is making us more stronger...

All of us people has its own trials..it only depends on how we could surpass on it.

**Remember this: The only thing needed to mend a broken heart is God words of Wisdom....**

Trust our Lord and always pray to give you more strenght, courage and give you the serenity to accept things that's happening to you..

Be optimistic and never consider it as a dark side of your life instead be thankful coz God loves you..

Focus your life to your family, kids, and to your work .

-----
Even though I don't know you personaly but I wanted to prove to you that all of us here are willing to help...
 
I see from the Forum page that it's your birthday. I hope you get to see the kids today, and have a little fun (and cake) with them to mark the occasion. Happier days lie ahead, even though it may not seem like it at this time.
 

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