life juice

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by captain-spanky, Oct 8, 2003.

  1. captain-spanky

    captain-spanky TPF Noob!

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    Sometimes I reflect back on all the beer I have consumed. Then I look into
    the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes
    and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their
    dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink
    this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
    * Jack Handy



    I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,
    that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
    * Frank Sinatra



    The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
    * William Butler Yeats



    An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his
    fools.
    * Ernest Hemingway



    Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep
    your mouth shut.
    * Ernest Hemingway



    A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
    * W. C. Fields



    What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
    * Tee Mans



    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
    * Henny Youngman




    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
    * Tom Waits



    24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
    * Stephen Wright



    When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
    * Brian O'Rourke



    You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps
    if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at
    the very least you need a beer.
    * Frank Zappa



    Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
    * Winston Churchill



    Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    * Benjamin Franklin



    Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.
    Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
    * Dave Barry



    The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
    * Humphrey Bogart



    Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
    * Kaiser Wilhelm



    Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
    * Dave Barry



    You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor.
    * Anonymous



    You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
    * Dean Martin



    Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.
    * Anonymous



    To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support Group.
    * Anonymous



    :drunk: :drunk: :drunk: :drunk: :thumbsup:
     
  2. Dew

    Dew TPF Noob!

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    im sure my hubby will agree with u on this one :eek:
     
  3. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    And me :drunk: :D
     
  4. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do
    Dylan Thomas (1914 - 1953)
     
  5. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    This has got me thinking. As you may be aware from my avitar that i am a big Spike Milligan fan. Here are some of his quotes:

    Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
    And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
    Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
    You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
    -- (Puckoon, 1963)
    The Grand Old Duke of York
    He had ten thousand men.
    His case comes up next week.
    Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

    "Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
    "I speak Esparanto like a native."
    "In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife."
    "Hi vibrato sounded like he was driving a tractor over a ploughed field with weights tied to his scrotum."
    "A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
    "It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't."
    "I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine."
    "My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic."

    "I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it ."
     
  6. MDowdey

    MDowdey Guest

    cheers!


    md
     
  7. carlita

    carlita TPF Noob!

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    woohoo!! :goodvibe: :thumbsup:
     
  8. oriecat

    oriecat work in progress

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    I always thought that was you! :oops:
     
  9. havoc

    havoc Jedi something or other

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    Beer and Dr Pepper, As Carli once said, Its the necter of the Gods"
    LOL
     
  10. carlita

    carlita TPF Noob!

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    yes, yes it is. :mrgreen:
     
  11. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    :D My mother - in - law always says I come out with a lot of Milliganisms. But that's where the similarities end.
     

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