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That last paragraph describes my SIL perfectly! Great advice as always Derrel!You might check out the book "Toxic In-laws" and read through it. You've obviously been through a lot with these people, and I think that book might help you by detailing some ways that family dynamics actually operate. Wayyyy too many people operate on the assumption that all family members are inherently Type 1)good, well-meaning people or Type 2) at the least, very neutral people, neither overly kind nor overly mean. Truth is...there are MANY people who are category three family: 3)manipulative,incorrigible arse-holes.
My experience is that the vast majority of well-meaning advice people give for dealing with family issues and individual family members is often wayyyyyy off the mark when the family in question happen to be Type 3 family: manipulative, incorrigible arse-holes.
The prevalence of utterly wrong, bad advice being given for how to deal with family issues, as you can see by reading Toxic In-laws, is the tendency for most Type 3 people to live a life in which they masterfully impersonate being Type 1 or Type 2 family to the majority of others, which very often leads others to providing BAD advice for how to deal with family issues! Wolves in sheep's clothing and all. Many of the absolutely worst manipulators of family members put on quite an act for the general public, to show how great they are, but behind the scenes, that manipulative, arse-hole nature manifests itself.