I'm sorry to bring further tension to what must already be a very difficult subject for all of us. Already the question of whether one loves or hates Marmite has divided communities, turned brother against brother, destroyed marriages...
Throughout all this, each side has held firm to their beliefs, and known what they stand for. We no longer have that security... why? Because of this...
That's right. Squeezy Marmite.
Marmite belongs in glass jars. All true Marmitists know that Marmite belongs in glass jars, for only they are strong enough to contain its greatness.
Furthermore, the traditional glass jar of Marmite is not merely a receptacle for a controversial spread. It is part of the national heritage. No, it is the national heritage! All the things we consider to be symbols of England - the monarchy, the totally useless public services, the inability to win international sporting events - could be taken away tomorrow and we would adapt and go on. But take away our jars of Marmite, and England is lost...
... plus it's just tacky, and reminds me of the Fast Show sketch... "Squeezy Cheesy Peas!"...
Comrades, let us not be fooled by the anti-Marmitists and the traitors in our midst... do not let those who would squeeze Marmite pretend to be on our side. They must be shunned by the Marmite community... it is your patriotic duty!
Throughout all this, each side has held firm to their beliefs, and known what they stand for. We no longer have that security... why? Because of this...
That's right. Squeezy Marmite.
Marmite belongs in glass jars. All true Marmitists know that Marmite belongs in glass jars, for only they are strong enough to contain its greatness.
Furthermore, the traditional glass jar of Marmite is not merely a receptacle for a controversial spread. It is part of the national heritage. No, it is the national heritage! All the things we consider to be symbols of England - the monarchy, the totally useless public services, the inability to win international sporting events - could be taken away tomorrow and we would adapt and go on. But take away our jars of Marmite, and England is lost...
... plus it's just tacky, and reminds me of the Fast Show sketch... "Squeezy Cheesy Peas!"...
Comrades, let us not be fooled by the anti-Marmitists and the traitors in our midst... do not let those who would squeeze Marmite pretend to be on our side. They must be shunned by the Marmite community... it is your patriotic duty!
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