Meeting the parents

Battou · Aug 19, 2008

Ok, well not quite.

I got together with a girl a couple days ago... no big deal right. Wrong, this could potentially be disastrous. I'm by all regards an "older man" with just short of a ten year gap. Less than forty eight hours into the relationship her parents, grand mother and brother have noticed a distinct change in her behavior and are acting...like...well protective parents I guess.

Call me a hypocrite if you want, I personally believe you should be open with your parents about this stuff, but despite that I really wanted to put off informing her mother about it as long as possible. I've known her mother for years, I've partied and gotten drunk with her and her boyfriend on numerous occasions, I make a point to stop and sit and chat with her and/or her boyfriend when the opportunity strikes.

I'm actually a little concerned that what was actually neighborly chatter may all of a sudden be viewed as some sort of perverted means of getting to their daughter which is not the case. Furthermore She seriously disapproves of her daughter seeing older guys, she had a conniption fit over the previous boyfriend who was only a year older.

I am really not looking forward to tomorrow.

Senor Hound · Aug 19, 2008

Battou said:
Ok, well not quite.

I got together with a girl a couple days ago... no big deal right. Wrong, this could potentially be disastrous. I'm by all regards an "older man" with just short of a ten year gap. Less than forty eight hours into the relationship her parents, grand mother and brother have noticed a distinct change in her behavior and are acting...like...well protective parents I guess.

Call me a hypocrite if you want, I personally believe you should be open with your parents about this stuff, but despite that I really wanted to put off informing her mother about it as long as possible. I've known her mother for years, I've partied and gotten drunk with her and her boyfriend on numerous occasions, I make a point to stop and sit and chat with her and/or her boyfriend when the opportunity strikes.

I'm actually a little concerned that what was actually neighborly chatter may all of a sudden be viewed as some sort of perverted means of getting to their daughter which is not the case. Furthermore She seriously disapproves of her daughter seeing older guys, she had a conniption fit over the previous boyfriend who was only a year older.

I am really not looking forward to tomorrow.

Have sex with her mom. Then she'll understand...

Short of that I've got nothing other than ride it out...

Battou · Aug 19, 2008

Umm....no I am not going to sleep with her mother. Next thing I know you'll be asking me to record and put it on Youtube won'tchya :lol:

On a more serious note

Yeah I know. I am not going to avoid it, She wants to make it clear to her family what is going on, so I am going to do so. The relationship with them is going to make for a very uncomfortable setting. Uncomfortable in the fact I can't anticipate the reaction at all because I known them as long as I have. It's easier to make a first impression on parents than it is to tell a friend you are looking at their daughter as more than just a friends kid.

Once this little meeting is done and over with I'll be fine, but until then....

Senor Hound · Aug 19, 2008

Battou said:
Umm....no I am not going to sleep with her mother. Next thing I know you'll be asking me to record and put it on Youtube won'tchya

On a more serious note

Yeah I know. I am not going to avoid it, She wants to make it clear to her family what is going on, so I am going to do so. The relationship with them is going to make for a very uncomfortable setting. Uncomfortable in the fact I can't anticipate the reaction at all because I known them as long as I have. It's easier to make a first impression on parents than it is to tell a friend you are looking at their daughter as more than just a friends kid.

Once this little meeting is done and over with I'll be fine, but until then....

OH CRAP. I just realized you're planning on dating her! I thought you meant hook up as in casual sex. Well, at least you can say you think she's an awesome chick and all of this stuff. Dating someone involves a level of genuineness and sincerity. One night stands are just hot and nasty, and not easy to explain.

Don't be too mushy and tell them you love her or some crap like that, but just be honest and say that despite the age difference you find her to be intriguing, funny and most of all pleasant to be around. But in the end if the girl you are dating is okay with the age difference, and okay with her parents not being okay, then don't worry about it. All that matters is what she thinks, not her parents.

Battou · Aug 19, 2008

Senor Hound said:
I thought you meant hook up as in casual sex.

...Did I really give that impression...:stun:

Senor Hound said:
OH CRAP. I just realized you're planning on dating her! I thought you meant hook up as in casual sex. Well, at least you can say you think she's an awesome chick and all of this stuff. Dating someone involves a level of genuineness and sincerity. One night stands are just hot and nasty, and not easy to explain.

Don't be too mushy and tell them you love her or some crap like that, but just be honest and say that despite the age difference you find her to be intriguing, funny and most of all pleasant to be around. But in the end if the girl you are dating is okay with the age difference, and okay with her parents not being okay, then don't worry about it.

I'm not the kind of guy to sit there and try telling someone what I think they want to hear, I hold honesty in high regard. I have plenty of true facts that would be of more value anyways. Personally I'm fine with the age gap, within ten years is usually not a big deal around here. lol, Now that I think about it my dad had ten years on my mother too.

Senor Hound said:
All that matters is what she thinks, not her parents.

As far as my relationship with her is conserned yes, but that friendship with her parents makes what they think matter to me though.

Lisa B · Aug 19, 2008

I've never had a problem with whomever i've dated and parents. I've always been of the belief that if the parents don't like you there is nothing you can do about it - they must get along with you alright already seeing as you are able to hold a conversation with them already and so they must know you a little by now anyway - im SOME respects their daughter dating an older guy they already know a little may be less frightening than an older guy they know absolutely nothing about.

Everybody just wants the best for their children and so im sure her parents would have a fit no matter who she was dating generally anyway - most people don't like the idea of their child not being their little girl/boy anymore and it just scared the hell out of them.

If you just behave as usual and let them come to terms with it in their own time as you proove yourself to them then things should ride out and anything is possible.

So don't worry about it too much - which yeh, i know is easier said than done but you can only be yourself and what happens happens. You can't control or shape anyone elses actions.

I've been in situations before where I was convinced that the parents of the person i was dating would detest me because of what i'd heard of the parents. Even with some of the most cracker-jack parents i've met or the ones i've thought were going to be really conniving and nasty STILL behaved with some creedance towards me - maybe to get to know if i'm corrupting their son OR maybe just because i'm being myself. I don't know.

I'll continue to just say what i think to the in-laws and i've even told my husbands mum i'd pick out her retirement home for her if she so wished...i'm not going to beat around any bushes. If they can take a joke and act civil to me, i'll be myself with them and they can either like me or hate me.

Just be yourself and be there for the girl. Thats all you can do.

xxxxxxx

Battou · Aug 19, 2008

Lisa B said:
I've never had a problem with whomever i've dated and parents. I've always been of the belief that if the parents don't like you there is nothing you can do about it - they must get along with you alright already seeing as you are able to hold a conversation with them already and so they must know you a little by now anyway - im SOME respects their daughter dating an older guy they already know a little may be less frightening than an older guy they know absolutely nothing about.

Everybody just wants the best for their children and so im sure her parents would have a fit no matter who she was dating generally anyway - most people don't like the idea of their child not being their little girl/boy anymore and it just scared the hell out of them.

I'm kinda hoping that that will be the major plus side that they see, that same though went through my head as well.

Phazan · Aug 19, 2008

How hot is she on a scale of one to ten

monkeykoder · Aug 19, 2008

Meeting the parents is usually a pain in the butt so already knowing them might be a good thing...

JohnMF · Aug 19, 2008

do you think you have breached their trust?

snowalker · Aug 19, 2008

After visiting the last 6 new topics I have a big question:
This is a photographic forum or what? I didn't see any picture in all of those new topics!
Quite weird...

photo28 · Aug 19, 2008

snowalker said:
After visiting the last 6 new topics I have a big question:
This is a photographic forum or what? I didn't see any picture in all of those new topics!
Quite weird...

Well, it lives up to its name: Off Topic Chat! lol :lol:

Jedo_03 · Aug 20, 2008

10 years age difference...
Well - if you are 70 and she is 60 then most ppl won't see a problem...
However... if you are 25 then some ppl may see it as a problem...
Oh well, you could put off dating the girl until she reaches 60...
Seriously though... if you have known the girl's parents all these years then you must also have known the girl all these years - from being a child maybe... You know, Don't rate a book by its cover... but many people do... and you should take care here, Battou...
Jedo