More points to ponder

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Walt, Feb 8, 2005.

  1. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    Ponder this -- especially #16!!


    1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

    2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

    3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message one slice. How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

    6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

    8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

    9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

    10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, It's all right? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say,That hurt, you stupid idiot?

    11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

    13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

    15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

    16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
    :confused:
     
  2. ceno2000

    ceno2000 I AM PUNK ROCK!!

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    lol that is so funny
    i am really bad about the fridge being empty
     
  3. Corry

    Corry Flirtacious and Bodacious Supporting Member

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    1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

    I'm gonna guess "yes" because my computer works, and my apartment is a MESS!
     
  4. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    I hear you! I keep thinking one of these times the grocery fairies will stock my fridge when I'm not looking! :mrgreen:
     
  5. Hertz van Rental

    Hertz van Rental TPF Noob!

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    1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
    A: Who knows? But at least there won't be toast crumbs in the keyboard.

    2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
    A: Bubbles are made by soap. Soap cleans things.

    3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
    A: The day before mattresses were invented?

    4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
    A: Wishful thinking. Work out how much you would save if it worked.

    5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message one slice. How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
    A: It's so you can find the slot by touch in the dark.

    6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
    A: Everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe if they showed it to the vacuum cleaner instead of looking at it themselves. It is well known that vacuums are 'string blind'.

    7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
    A: Because people always try to open the wrong end first. I think it may be an inherent defect in the design.

    8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
    A: You've heard of the tooth fairy? Well say hello to the dead-bug elf. You haven't heard of him because his job isn't that glamorous. But if he didn't put them in the light fittings who knows where they would end up.

    9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
    A: Of course not. They would just turn into lint.

    10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, It's all right? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say,That hurt, you stupid idiot?
    A: Because if we didn't say it was OK when people apologised then people would stop apologising.

    11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
    A: The Law of Conservation of Clumsiness.

    12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
    A: No. There are other differences. The rubbish collectors don't try to sell your trash again when they get home (they also don't ask you if you would take less for your garbage).

    13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
    A: Nostalgia.

    14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?
    A: Because they are not normally a pain in the arse.

    15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
    A: That's why you don't succeed first try - you tried to do it her way. My advice? If she's so clever let her do it instead of you.

    16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
    A: This only works if all your friends are American. But never have more than 3 best friends. 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese - if you have 4 friends and none of them are Chinese....

    :mrgreen:
     
  6. Big Mike

    Big Mike I am Big, I am Mike Staff Member Supporting Member

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    I do keep rechecking the fridge and although the food does not change...I may be more hungry & desperate than the last time I checked it...all of a sudden there are more things to eat.
     
  7. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    Hertz, I thought this string would bring you out! :mrgreen:
     
  8. Hertz van Rental

    Hertz van Rental TPF Noob!

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    I just can't resist
     
  9. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    OCD? :confused:
     
  10. Nikon Fan

    Nikon Fan TPF Noob!

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    :lol: Nice work!!! That's some funny stuff, especially 16...what happens if all your friends have issues... :lol:
     
  11. Hertz van Rental

    Hertz van Rental TPF Noob!

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    How ungrateful can you get? Walt spent a lot of time asking these questions and I spent at least two minutes answering them - and all just to amuse you lot. To what effect? You miserable buggers just go and ignore it. Humph!
     
  12. Walt

    Walt TPF Noob!

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    Ungrateful swines!!! :blushing:
     

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