My son, Grayson...

pixeldawg · Nov 28, 2008

I have to tell you, of my three children, my oldest son Grayson is the sweetest of them all. I never have to say to him "Grayson, don't hit your brother/sister". He's a good kid, and as you might be able to guess, I am quite proud of him. At the end of school last year, Grayson's teacher came up to me and asked for a minute of my time. I was shocked when he told me that he suspected Grayson had some signs of autism. Quite honestly, it shook me to the very core of my being. So, needless to say, being all upset and flustered, I went to the dayspa that my wife and I own and told her what the teacher had said. We decided that the best thing to do was research and get Grayson a complete mental and physical going-over. We found out that his motor skills are sub-par and that he had a severe form of Asberger's Syndrome, which not only has the physical complications, but social as well. We also found out that Grayson is in the top .25% as far as IQ and vocabulary, but in the bottom .5% socially. So, we are working on enhancing his social skills- he is now in 7th grade and played football this year (He's 13 and is 5'8" and about 165 pounds, so needless to say, he was a defensive lineman for his team...) he was also elected to his student government association at school. I was really upset with myself for a long time because we hadn't picked up on many of the tell-tale signs of his condition. His motor skill issues were obvious, and I'd always chalked up up to his being a "nerdy, akward kid".

I'd shot this image of Grayson a year or so ago, and looking back on it, I find it an amaging illustration of him as a parson. He is shy, yet the kindness within him seems to show through his eyes. I hope you enjoy looking at this as much as I am enjoying posting it and telling you a bit about my son.

ypperin · Nov 28, 2008

First I have to say kudos to you for seeing past the lable. My eldest also has a high functioning form of autism, and yet has the biggest heart! He is socially awkward to but when he makes friends they are friends till the end because they appreciate his genuine care and kindness....

As well I love the picture. It very much captures exactly what you wanted to portray or moreso what you see in it. What's more, it captures that want and need of an autistic child to socialize despite their social weaknesses. Quite often I would find Tyler watching other children playing on the playground and him, completely oblivious as to how to broach the "can I play" questions...... It's a beautiful shot!

As well, I wanted to say that just from my personal experience, the perspective of a child with autism is so raw, so unique, and truly a blessing. Remember that it is not necessarily a having to force him to be what society is, but rather teaching him how to make his world work in society's. It can be very overwhelming at first, and hard to be a parent and a therapist, but you'd be surprised at the strength and insight you will gain, and the amazing photography that will follow

invisible · Nov 28, 2008

This photo is beautiful, intense, sensationally framed, and (in light of the background you just gave us) it works as a metaphor. Thumbs up!

manaheim · Nov 28, 2008

I think it's an amazing shot. I do think it makes him a bit brooding/angry/lurking, which I don't think was your intent. I still think it's an amazing shot, regardless.

jv08 · Nov 28, 2008

This is such a nice photo. Well done!

AlfromLA · Nov 28, 2008

HERE'S JOHNNY!

Seriously has an impact.

pixeldawg · Nov 28, 2008

One of the characteristics of Asberger's is that the person tends to have a lack of facial expressions. Grayson has the same look almost all of the time. It's a part of the motor skill issues. This may be why he looks as he does. Another characteristic is that he and others like him tend to take anything said literally. SO, if he came home with a bad grade and I said "Grayson, don't come home with another grade like that again" He will literally THINK that if he gets another grade like this, he can't come home. We have learned that he really needs to change nothing, but we as parents have to think before we say and do. And I get the "here's Johnny" joke, but seriously, he is the most docile person. I never, ever have to say "Grayson, don't hit your brother/sister". Just never happens.

I appreciate your interest in the photo. He was actually looking to my right at his younger brother and sister, who were playing "Hide and Seek" with him. It was actually a "grab" shot while I was testing a 90mm Nikkor Micro VR lens for Popular Photography & Imaging (I, until recently, moderated their forum and wrote for them...). Anyway, I appreciate your interest!

manaheim · Nov 28, 2008

^^^ hey, Mark. I hope you don't take the comments personally. I was personally commenting on the photo... not your son. Big difference. My point was that the photo (to me) portrayed something other than what you said is characteristic of your son. This can be a good thing, a bad thing, or just an interesting thing... it says nothing about your son other than that, at the time, he looked more scary/annoyed/whatever than he actually is.

Were I him, I would love the shot, because it does make him look very cool in that dangerous sort of way.

pixeldawg · Nov 28, 2008

I totally didn't take it that way, Chris. No worries. I'd just assumed that if you're like me, you don't know too much about Asberger's Syndrome. So, I thought while I showed the image, I'd educate as well... It's one of those PhD in training things... I can't help it, really. Bahaaa!

manaheim · Nov 28, 2008

pixeldawg said:
I totally didn't take it that way, Chris. No worries. I'd just assumed that if you're like me, you don't know too much about Asberger's Syndrome. So, I thought while I showed the image, I'd educate as well... It's one of those PhD in training things... I can't help it, really. Bahaaa!

hehehe, ok cool.

Oddly, I actually randomly caught a rather informative segment on Asberger's Syndrome, so I probably know more about it than your average joe on the street... though I'm obviously nowhere near as clued in as someone such as yourself... I'm at the "oh yeah, I've actually heard about that and know a touch more about it than nothing." :lol:

LaFoto · Nov 30, 2008

Disregarding the true story that goes with this photo, and which must be very close to your heart, too, Mark, I find this is a beautiful photo of a teenage boy - any teenage boy - for no matter the skills they were provided with, I guess they all like to see themselves as kind of "serious, a little angry, strong". I understand that this just is your Grayson's facial expression, with little variations due to his "condition" (if that is the word?), but even if we did not know about him, I would still think this is a good, quite typical, and certainly liked-by-them portrait of a teenage boy.

By the way, I am very interested in the topic - Asperger's, autism. It is totally alien to me (I admit), but I really would like to know more. So never stop teaching along with showing your photos, ok? Please. We can learn so much all through our lives, in each and every field, it's good to be offered some learning material at all times.

pixeldawg · Nov 30, 2008

One of the big reasons I left the PopPhoto forum is that people there just seemed to be getting meaner and meaner. THat being said, I really appreciate your note and sure am enjoying the discussions and responses I'm getting to my posts here. Thanks again one and all for your interest and comments. I really appreciate them!

juber · Nov 30, 2008

Amazing in B&W

Christie Photo · Dec 2, 2008

What a wonderful, powerful portrait... even without the background info. I think the diagonal board really helps make the whole think work so well. I love the lighting. Did you create it, or did you find it? Nicely done conversion too.

I have a friend with Asperger's Syndrome. He's 19 years old. I've had long chats with his mom about his high school years. Much of what has been said here is very familiar and I know the sort of fears you likely have for your son.

What a great looking kid!

I wish all the best for your family.

-Pete

pixeldawg · Dec 2, 2008

Actually Pete, it's more understanding the issue than worrying about it. My son is a great kid. Smart- IQ tested at school and scored a `138, gets all "A's" and has not been a "problem" as far as behavior goes. In short, he's really a great kid. But, he seems to have some physical limitations and there's the social issues as well. When he walks, he shuffles like a little old man and has an old man's posture too. He's not sports inclined and honestly, would rather sit in his room and read or write one of his books than do just about anything else.

The big thing with Asberger's- at least from MY point of view, is that as his parent, I have to make that effort to not only understand him, but try to put myself into his place and see things through his eyes. I think that if I can do that, in the long run it'll help me be a better parent to him and address his needs more completely. If I can do this, I think that it'll help him grow socially and live as a more "balanced" adult.

Someone also had a questions about the light in the image. It is available, very late afternoon sunlight with a bit of fill-flasy to even out his skintones and add the catchlight to his eyes. I shoot just about everything with this same combination of available light and fill-flash.

Thanks once again for the comments on my image(s). I truly appreciate the interest and thoughts you've shared.