Need a serious critique

[twocolor]

Before I post this on my page, I need a serious eye for the image as well as the graphic design.

 

[waday]

Some general comments/thoughts in random order:

The text in the logo at the top looks really squished in there and is barely legible. In fact, all the contact info is pretty hard to read. Any chance to bring this info out, group it in one location (maybe near the bottom?), and make it easier to read in the same font/size?

For the "Contact Amber Rust at...", maybe just say "Contact Amber at..."? You've already stated the last name above (which needs a little more space above it). Also, it makes it feel a little more personable.

Also, and this may just be slightly OCD of me, but all lines of text look rather... scattered. With no alignment. Also, the three different fonts in all different sizes also makes it appear somewhat scattered.

While I like "Limited seats available" being bolded to balance out that side, I dislike that particular text being bolded. Maybe bold the date and move it down? So, it would go, "Lunch provided...", then "limited seats", then bolded date/time, then contact/info/reserve seats/et cetera?

I should state that I'm not a graphic design artist, so, please, take any and all of my comments with a grain of salt.

 

[tirediron]

Very nice TC - two thoughts: How much am I going to have to put out for this workshop, and is the lunch included in the price, or extra? Also, (and I realize it's a limitation of the model) any chance of a happier looking child?

 

[twocolor]

Some general comments/thoughts in random order:

The text in the logo at the top looks really squished in there and is barely legible. In fact, all the contact info is pretty hard to read. Any chance to bring this info out, group it in one location (maybe near the bottom?), and make it easier to read in the same font/size?

For the "Contact Amber Rust at...", maybe just say "Contact Amber at..."? You've already stated the last name above (which needs a little more space above it). Also, it makes it feel a little more personable.

Also, and this may just be slightly OCD of me, but all lines of text look rather... scattered. With no alignment. Also, the three different fonts in all different sizes also makes it appear somewhat scattered.

While I like "Limited seats available" being bolded to balance out that side, I dislike that particular text being bolded. Maybe bold the date and move it down? So, it would go, "Lunch provided...", then "limited seats", then bolded date/time, then contact/info/reserve seats/et cetera?

I should state that I'm not a graphic design artist, so, please, take any and all of my comments with a grain of salt.

These are great suggestions. Maybe I need to ditch the logo. When it's large it looks great, but smaller on this it is hard to read. I will go take my last name off of the "contact Amber Rust" that is a wise idea. I was going for scattered on the text, but maybe it's not coming off the right way. I had only two fonts - which is great in graphic design - but I forgot that when I add my logo, it throws in a third font...

 

[twocolor]

Very nice TC - two thoughts: How much am I going to have to put out for this workshop, and is the lunch included in the price, or extra? Also, (and I realize it's a limitation of the model) any chance of a happier looking child?

I have been debating all day long about adding the price..... ugh. You think have the price on there? I just don't want to scare people away until they see what is offered. Lunch is included in that price. And happier baby.... piece of cake. I like the colors this little dude had, but I've used this set multiple times, let me see if I can find a happier looking baby on this color scheme. If not, I suppose I could change the colors.

 

[tirediron]

Very nice TC - two thoughts: How much am I going to have to put out for this workshop, and is the lunch included in the price, or extra? Also, (and I realize it's a limitation of the model) any chance of a happier looking child?

I have been debating all day long about adding the price..... ugh. You think have the price on there? I just don't want to scare people away until they see what is offered. Lunch is included in that price. And happier baby.... piece of cake. I like the colors this little dude had, but I've used this set multiple times, let me see if I can find a happier looking baby on this color scheme. If not, I suppose I could change the colors.

Depends... how much are you charging? In my area, I would expect to pay between $90 and $150 for a session like this, depending on how posh the lunch is. Price is a huge 'decider' for me, and if I don't see a price, chances are I'm going to assume it's out of my reach and not go further. I think you need to consider the group you want to attract; do you want the $50 session shoot & burn fauxtographer who will balk at $150, or do you want the serious aspriing pro who understands that good training costs money?

 

[waday]

These are great suggestions. Maybe I need to ditch the logo. When it's large it looks great, but smaller on this it is hard to read. I will go take my last name off of the "contact Amber Rust" that is a wise idea. I was going for scattered on the text, but maybe it's not coming off the right way. I had only two fonts - which is great in graphic design - but I forgot that when I add my logo, it throws in a third font...

I can understand the scattered text, but it seems like there's a bias to the right (possibly because of the bold "limited seats"). Maybe bring some of it back to the left? It could also just be me having slight OCD today.

I understand keeping the logo, but it looks kinda squished in there to me. If you were to change the picture (or if not), I'd be interesting to see how moving some of the text to the left, putting the child just a smidgen up and to the left, and then put your logo at the bottom right would look. The logo would have to be slightly larger, with a solid color background, but the child might be a barrier between the third font of the logo. I'm trying to visualize this in my head and I'm not sure how it would look?

But, I kind of agree about the price. It probably should be on there. But, that's a personal decision.

 

[sm4him]

Not bad.
I agree with pretty much all of waday's comments regarding the fonts and the logo, and the placement.
Scattered may have been your intention, but it just looks more like someone who had no sense of alignment laid it out. Scattered needs to be MUCH more scattered to really work.

I'd also say that I am not a big fan of having so much of an all-caps font. It looks nice for things like captions and subheadings (for instance, the "Posing," "Lighting," etc under the main heading, and even for the date and time, but having all caps for all the text, imo, is too much. Perhaps a similar font that isn't all caps, so you could leave some of the text in the standard format?

I'd also change the periods in between "Posing," "Lighting," etc. Right now, it looks like you just left too much space between the end of the word and the period. I assume it's meant to be a decorative bullet of sorts; as such, it needs to be more centered, about midway relative to the height of the text.

I also agree with John's comment about the price. Yes, since you say "call Amber for details and to reserve your spot," it suggests that you intend for this piece to provide enough information for a person to know whether or not they are interested enough to call about reserving a spot, and the price is critical to that decision.
If this were simply a "teaser" design that you clicked on to go to a page of full information, then I'd feel differently about it and would say you could wait to reveal the price on the second page.

 

[JohnnyWrench]

Graphic designer here. The text isn't scattered enough to look intentional. It looks like you tried to center it, but didn't. Just center it... It will look much better. Take the logo that's currently at the top and try it in the lower right corner. and spread it out a bit vertically so it doesn't look so squished. Then take that left column of text, center it, and move it up and to the right a bit. And your fonts are fine... I wouldn't start chasing that.

 

[twocolor]

How's this?... where would I put the price?

 

[tirediron]

How about...
Newborn Photography
A workshop by Amber Rust
Posing - Lighting - Shooting - Editing
With lunch courtesy of Maple Springs Catering
All for only $XXX.XX

 

[twocolor]

How about...
Newborn Photography
A workshop by Amber Rust
Posing - Lighting - Shooting - Editing
With lunch courtesy of Maple Springs Catering
All for only $XXX.XX

I like the title change.... give me a second here!

 

[twocolor]

 

[JohnnyWrench]

Much better. I like that title change too. And a minor nit... Take that logo in the corner and move it up and to the left just a bit. You need a little more margin. It's minor, but small adjustments can make a big difference.

And that column of text needs to come back to the right a bit. Like in version 2.

 

[twocolor]

Much better. I like that title change too. And a minor nit... Take that logo in the corner and move it up and to the left just a bit. You need a little more margin. It's minor, but small adjustments can make a big difference.

Done, thanks!