not sure if this job application will work

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Darfion, Feb 11, 2004.

  1. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    NAME: Darfion

    SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY:£185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.



    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

    SIGN HERE: Cancerian
     
  2. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    lol, i saw this as a McDonalds job application a few years ago in an email, cracks me up :)
     
  3. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    If I had any say in it I'd hire you.....honest people are so difficult to find!
     
  4. Dew

    Dew TPF Noob!

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    :lol:
     
  5. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    if i remember correctly, they actually did hire the kid! at least that is what it said the email :lol:
     
  6. Not Neve

    Not Neve TPF Noob!

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    Darfion, job search getting to you?

    Mark, was that a freudian slip?
     
  7. vonnagy

    vonnagy have kiwi, will travel...

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    hehehe, thank god for the edit button! ;)
     

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