Questions About Austraila

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Xmetal, Sep 6, 2005.

  1. Xmetal

    Xmetal TPF Noob!

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    Got this in an Email...

    >Questions about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were
    >> >posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
    >> >responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
    >> >humour.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
    >> >TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
    >> >A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
    >> >them die.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    >> >A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
    >> >tracks? (Sweden)
    >> >A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    >> >A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
    >> >list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    >> >A: What did your last slave die of?
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
    >> >(USA)
    >> >A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    >> >Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
    >> >not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
    >> >Kings Cross. Come naked.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    >> >A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
    >> >and we'll send the rest of the directions.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    >> >A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    >> >A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
    >> >is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
    >> >night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    >> >
    >> >Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
    >> >A: You are a British politician, right?
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
    >> >round? (Germany)
    >> >A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
    >> >is illegal.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
    >> >rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    >> >A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
    >> >Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
    >> >make good pets.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
    >> >its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    >> >A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of

    >

    >> >Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can

    >

    >> >scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
    >> >walking.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    >> >A: No, WE don't stink.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
    >> >you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    >> >A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
    >> >is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    >> >A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    >> >A: Only at Christmas.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
    >> >dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    >> >A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >
    >> >Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    >> >A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
     
  2. clarinetJWD

    clarinetJWD The Naked Spammer Staff Member

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    I feel now I must apologise, but in my country's defense, there are idiots everywhere, just not as many tourists...
     
  3. Mitica100

    Mitica100 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

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    :lmao: :lmao: :lol: :lol: :lmao: :lmao:

    Thanks for the chuckle!
     
  4. Meysha

    Meysha still being picky Vicky

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    Hahaha! That is so funny!! :lol: :lol:

    That is a classic!

    :shock:

    It's amazing how people forget how huuuuge Australia is! Everyone knows that America is huge - but they also have millions and millions of people... But we're the same size as america!!
    We only have 20 million people though so everyone thinks we're a tiny country - especially the europeans with their 60 million per country. They've forgotten what space feels like.

    When I was in France I said to an old french guy that I was from Australia, he said "oooh so you speak German". :lol: I said no... that's Austria... I'm Australian. He Said "yeah... you speak German!". :lol: I said - "No... i speak english... I know what I speak and it's english"..... But he wouldn't beleive me.
     
  5. thebeginning

    thebeginning TPF Noob!

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    hahaha. i'm hoping those werent real...stupid americans :D

    thanks for the post!
     
  6. Patrick

    Patrick TPF Noob!

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    Which direction does the water funnel down the toilet? CW or CCW?
    Always wanted to know for sure after watching that Simpson's show about it:scratch:
     
  7. fadingaway1986

    fadingaway1986 I Burn Easily :(

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    Our toilets don't drain. We don't have water.
     
  8. fadingaway1986

    fadingaway1986 I Burn Easily :(

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    A friend and myself were considering opening up a website about Australia.

    It would include the day to day life of an Aussie. So you might find things such as

    "Well, I have just returned from the Pub. I rode my kangaroo there. And while I was there, I met my mate Steve Irwin. We then participated in Croc wrestling"


    I think we could trick some americans. Hehehehe.
     
  9. Meysha

    Meysha still being picky Vicky

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    The way the water runs down the toilet isn't affected by being in the northern hemisphere or in the southern hemisphere. Well.... it actually does.. but the effect is so small that there are other factors - such as the shape of the toilet bowl that determines which way it goes.

    But just for the record, both of my toilets are inconclusive. The water doesn't go in any direction because it comes from all around and then goes down the middle. Does that make sense? Either way, It doesn't spin in a circle like in that simpsons episode (that I actually just watched yesterday!)
     

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