Self Harm (A gruesome poem).

Discussion in 'The Creative Corner' started by DPW2007, Feb 15, 2008.

  1. DPW2007

    DPW2007 TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    404
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK!
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    Self Harm, by DPW2007

    Knock Knock
    At the Bathroom
    Door

    Knock Knock Knock

    But it's locked.

    But it's locked.


    Inside a cold wind blows
    From a cracked open window
    In a dark winter month

    Inside, some Spiders make webs
    A Cockroach crawls
    A tap drips every second

    Drip.
    Drip.
    Drip.

    On a stainless steel sink
    On a beige vinyl floor

    On the stained bathroom floor
    She self-harms herself
    With the edge of a Knife
    She cuts up her wrist

    With pools of blood
    With the pain and release

    With thoughts of a boyfriend
    She cuts herself

    With thoughts of his terminal illness
    She cuts herself

    Gripping tightly
    On the thought
    He may die

    On the thought
    She may never
    Love again
     
  2. Alex_B

    Alex_B No longer a newbie, moving up!

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2006
    Messages:
    14,491
    Likes Received:
    206
    Location:
    Europe 67.51°N
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    huh, hard stuff!

    That line sounds a bit ... odd and out of place for some reason. at least it does not read as easy as the other lines ... just a feeling.
     
  3. DPW2007

    DPW2007 TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    404
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK!
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    I think you're right there Alex!!

    It seems to... disrupt the rhythm of the poem!

    Thanks,

    David
     
  4. DPW2007

    DPW2007 TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    404
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK!
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    Self Harm, by DPW2007

    Knock Knock
    At the Bathroom
    Door

    Knock Knock Knock

    But it's locked.

    But it's locked.


    Inside a cold wind blows
    From a cracked open window
    In a dark winter month

    Inside, some Spiders make webs
    A Cockroach crawls
    A tap drips every second

    Drip.
    Drip.
    Drip.

    On a stainless steel sink
    On a beige vinyl floor

    On the stained bathroom floor
    She self-harms herself

    With the edge of a Knife
    She cuts up her wrist

    With pools of blood
    With the pain and release

    With thoughts of a boyfriend
    She cuts herself

    With thoughts of his illness
    She cuts herself

    Gripping tightly
    On the thought
    He may die

    On the thought
    She may never
    Love again

    ....

    Better I think!!

    David
     

Share This Page

Search tags for this page
gruesome poem
,

gruesome poems

,
gruesome poetry
,
poems about self harm
,
poems about self harm 50 poetry
,
poems about self harm dark
,
self harm photography
,
self harm poems
,
self mutilation poems
,
self mutilation poetry