Self Harm (A gruesome poem).

[DPW2007]

Self Harm, by DPW2007

Knock Knock
At the Bathroom
Door

Knock Knock Knock

But it's locked.

But it's locked.


Inside a cold wind blows
From a cracked open window
In a dark winter month

Inside, some Spiders make webs
A Cockroach crawls
A tap drips every second

Drip.
Drip.
Drip.

On a stainless steel sink
On a beige vinyl floor

On the stained bathroom floor
She self-harms herself
With the edge of a Knife
She cuts up her wrist

With pools of blood
With the pain and release

With thoughts of a boyfriend
She cuts herself

With thoughts of his terminal illness
She cuts herself

Gripping tightly
On the thought
He may die

On the thought
She may never
Love again

 

[Alex_B]

huh, hard stuff!

With thoughts of his terminal illness
She cuts herself

That line sounds a bit ... odd and out of place for some reason. at least it does not read as easy as the other lines ... just a feeling.

 

[DPW2007]

I think you're right there Alex!!

It seems to... disrupt the rhythm of the poem!

Thanks,

David

 

[DPW2007]

Self Harm, by DPW2007

Knock Knock
At the Bathroom
Door

Knock Knock Knock

But it's locked.

But it's locked.


Inside a cold wind blows
From a cracked open window
In a dark winter month

Inside, some Spiders make webs
A Cockroach crawls
A tap drips every second

Drip.
Drip.
Drip.

On a stainless steel sink
On a beige vinyl floor

On the stained bathroom floor
She self-harms herself

With the edge of a Knife
She cuts up her wrist

With pools of blood
With the pain and release

With thoughts of a boyfriend
She cuts herself

With thoughts of his illness
She cuts herself

Gripping tightly
On the thought
He may die

On the thought
She may never
Love again

....

Better I think!!

David