Sympathy

[cherrymoose]

Well, I don't know if any of you have experienced something like this (probably) but I just came home from seeing my dad (which is pretty rare; it's been a while), and he up and announced that he was getting married.
I think it's kind of rude, actually heartless, that he's doing this, considering my parents got divorced at Christmas (2006). Anyways, I need a little sympathy. I've never been to a wedding before.

Oh, and he didn't even tell us who the girl was. He kind of swayed and shoved us some M&M's that said "I love Sarah" on them.

 

[cal_gundert05]

That's rough, Emma.

But I think it helps to look at the situation as being the result of 2 possibilities:

1) Your dad has found someone that he absolutely, earnestly loves, and the 2 of them will be together for many years to come. If that's the case, then it's good that he's found this woman, don't you think?

2) Your dad is still reeling from the divorce, and this marriage is a feeble attempt to feel good about himself and his life again. In this case, he won't know that he is merely seeking a quick fix to his problems (he'll feel like Case 1 is what's going on). And if he is just trying to find an easy way to ease his pain, then he is obviously very hurt, and I think he deserves some sympathy as well.

Of course, only time will tell which of the above is going on. Mistakes may be made, but that's just the way life is.

I hope that helps, and best of luck with this difficult time in your life.

 

[GoM]

...cannot imagine how hard that must be to hear. My parents have been divorced my whole life, and both with their respective 'other peoples' almost as long (in the case of my mom) or not quite, but still long (for my dad). But that soon after....

Just keep your head up and you'll be alright. It ain't easy, but you'll pull through. And when in doubt, shooting is the best form of therapy. Especially the shooting that doesn't involve in warrants, jail cells and the like

 

[cherrymoose]

That's rough, Emma.

But I think it helps to look at the situation as being the result of 2 possibilities:

1) Your dad has found someone that he absolutely, earnestly loves, and the 2 of them will be together for many years to come. If that's the case, then it's good that he's found this woman, don't you think?

2) Your dad is still reeling from the divorce, and this marriage is a feeble attempt to feel good about himself and his life again. In this case, he won't know that he is merely seeking a quick fix to his problems (he'll feel like Case 1 is what's going on). And if he is just trying to find an easy way to ease his pain, then he is obviously very hurt, and I think he deserves some sympathy as well.

Of course, only time will tell which of the above is going on. Mistakes may be made, but that's just the way life is.

I hope that helps, and best of luck with this difficult time in your life.

Thank you, Michael. That means a lot.
You should be a therapist (I'm completely serious, even though I don't know if it interest you) -- because I'd never have thought to look at this whole... situation in either of those ways. And I'm trying my hardest to see 'things' from his point of view, or from those two reasonings, but I can't seem to... from a man so cruel. I feel horrible for thinking of my own dad like that, but I think he deserves it after some of the things he's done. It doesn't seem like he can love again-- like he even knows how to love, but I suppose I truly shouldn't be saying anything-- after all, I'm not in his mind.
Anyways, I'm ranting out all of my problems now. Thank you for replying, it's already made me feel a bit (if possible) better.

...cannot imagine how hard that must be to hear. My parents have been divorced my whole life, and both with their respective 'other peoples' almost as long (in the case of my mom) or not quite, but still long (for my dad). But that soon after....

Just keep your head up and you'll be alright. It ain't easy, but you'll pull through. And when in doubt, shooting is the best form of therapy. Especially the shooting that doesn't involve in warrants, jail cells and the like

Thank you also, GoM. I'm sorry that your parents have been divorced, too-- but I should face that it's a common thing, and that I'll be able to pull through it all; even my dad getting married.
You know, I think I will try some photography. Release some of my stress.

 

[LaFoto]

I sort of understand both of you.
Yourself for finding your dad's decision heartless and the manner in which he presented it to you, and himself as a man in "his best years" who quite naturally would not want to stay on his own for the rest of his life and who might also be congratulated on the fact that he has found another woman who is willing to share his life so soon.

But I see how your own feelings are being shaken by this revelation.
I am seeing something similar in a much more distant manner in my own life and am still surprised about my own emotional reaction to it. It is my father-in-law (so no real relative, actually), whose wife died not a year ago, and who - after 53 years of marriage - has already (at 84) found himself a new "girl"-friend who he has been away with over prolonged weekends and right now being away with for a fortnight. And even though my husband (whose real father this is!) says he is happy for his father, I can make my mouth say the same, but inwardly I feel this is not quite right.

Then, however, when I only use my reason, I can say: lucky, lucky f-i-l to have found himself someone new at over 80 and lucky f-i-l that there is someone to make him happy in his later years.

Yet my emotional side feels some sort of ... what is it? Betrayal? Don't even know!?!? But there is a tiny spot of turmoiled emotions inside me, and I am older than your dad supposedly is and ought to be more sensible and cooler-minded about such matters than maybe a teenager can be (not looking down on young people, it's just a fact that often they cannot distance themselves as easily from emotional turmoil than adult or elderly people can) - but now listen: I am not. And he is not even my own father but "only" my father-in-law!

(My own father has remained "faithful" to his deceased wife, my mother, in all the six years that she's no longer been with us, and maybe I am just taking him as my personal role model and let his reaction/behaviour around and after my mom's death determine my emotions?)

It is difficult and I understand you!!!
Talking about it might give you new perspectives, though, and help you come to terms with your reaction towards it. You sure have my deepest understanding for why this is tossing you into an emotional "salad" of very mixed feelings.