that's insane...

[mentos_007]

ok... I think this is the first time when I write anything about my family, because I don't like this topic, but I need help from my friends, and... it seems that you are my friends. If you don't wanna read it... just ignore this topic, but if you woul;d like to help me - please try at least... as you know I still live with my parents, and here goes a very popular problem of coming back home late. they are just incredible - it is 11 pm and they call me on my mobile asking where am I... and when I'll be back... when I tell them that I'll be back LATE or at 1 am - they shout at me and tell me that I have to be home within 15 minutes. and well... when I'm not withing 15 minutes they are extremely angry and say a lot, not very kind things to me. so... whenever I go out I need to be at home at 11 more less... and this crashed many relationships.... ok... i have many collegues but I would like to spend more time with them! and it's not like that that I come back drunk! no never! I rarely drink anything! my parents are angry even when I am somewhere by car - so there's no problem with transport back home! Ahhhh... hug me please... I dunno what to do with them! I've talked with them a lot about this and they claim that normal people don't go out late! ahhhh... Ill shout...

sorry... I had to write it somewhere

 

[Corry]

:hug:: :hug::

I'm sorry that's happening. When I still lived at home, I never once gave my parents a reason to distrust me, but yet they did, majorly. I'm still sore about it.

 

[mentos_007]

ahh... so the only solution is that I need to move out... ok.. have a flat... but I have no money for living... and I don't want to give up university because I've ust started it... ah....

 

[mentos_007]

and what is the worst - today it was this concert- I told you about it last time somewhere here - by Penderecki. I was shooting there with other photographers from the local photogs society. we know each other very well - after all we meet every week... and we wanted to go out after the concert to eat something... it was 22.30... I sent a sms to my parents that I'll be back later and I'm going with them for a pizza. and what's worst - my parents know them - the "boss" of the society works with my mum... so they are not a complete strangers... and of course they started again...

 

[Alison]

Wow, that's hard! My parents were very trusting as long as I didn't give them a reason not to. When I was living at home I had to be home by midnight up until I was 18. After I turned 18 I was allowed to stay out late, but they did request that I tell them when I expected to be home, and always to call if I would be later.

It sounds like you have talked to your parents and are good at letting them know about changes in plans. Some parents live by the philosophy that if you live at their house they can set all the rules. Unfortunately, that can be very difficult as you get older and your needs change. Could there be a compromise made? Perhaps home by 11 on weeknights but maybe 1am on weekends?

:hug:: I know it's hard and I hope you are able to work something out with them!

 

[clarinetJWD]

Wow...I usually don't leave until 11 or so...

:hugs: well, I hope you can work something out.

 

[JohnMF]

it's rude to ask a lady i know, but how old are you?

they're probibly just worried for you, rather than just trying to make your life a misery.

my youngest sister is 16 and she is allowed out 'til midnight. Personally i think thats a bit too late for her

 

[clarinetJWD]

her profile says 19, so it is rediculous to expect her to be back so early...

 

[jadin]

As someone who's moved back to the parents house later in life, it won't ever change. They always told me they worried enough that they couldn't sleep until they heard me come home. I don't think that will ever change, it's just the way they are.

All I can suggest is that you work towards your own place. In America students usually live off of student loans while going to college, so that they can live on campus or, well, anywhere but home. See if Poland has something like that. The only time I've ever seen parents change is when you move out for long enough that they 'miss you', and when you move back in they are all, "it's so good to have you home" that they let you get away with a lot more. This is really short lived, however, after a month or two, the 'missing you' wears off and you are at their mercy all over again.

Never fails.

 

[mentos_007]

well I'm 19... in march I'll be 20 ...

Jadin - the true is that I have a flat... actually now I live with my parents at home AND with my grandparents - they are old and need somebody to be at home... but I cannot move to my flat simply because I have no cash for a living. I need to find even a part time job... now I work only as an English language teacher... I'm a tutor... but it is not a big cash... definitely not enough even for a week of living...

 

[PlasticSpanner]

:hug::
Sorry to hear your troubles.

You could fight it all the way & do what you want all the time. Makes some rough fights and if you keep it up long enough you can do what you want, your parents won't speak to you and there will be that animosity whenever you're all in the same room or out at birthdays etc! And this will continue even after you've left home!

Or you can just accept that they might be worried about you or have their own plans for the evening & don't want to be interupted when you come in. Live by their expectancies and do your best to always accommodate their requests until you are at a stage where you can move out and live your own life completely!

From experience of the first suggestion and with hindsight I would suggest you definately try the second option!:thumbup:

 

[Mansi]

hey mentos.. i 21 and still live with my parents so i know what youre going thru..they are parents afterall and would be concerned (or so im made to believe haha).. does get frustrating etc... but i guess it takes a while for them to cool off.. i have a cut off time from them lol unless im staying out with my friends... so i have to be back at like max 3 am or not be back at all .. bu t it took a while to get to there.. esp in a place like delhi they're totally worried.... coz its dangerous out at night also the roads are killer.. too many drunken driving cases and the news of rapes everyday.. so i guess how i did get to here was... ummm.. i dont know.. just keep reassuring them and keep increasing your 'time limit'
and also keeping them informed would help.. call if youre running late or something.. i guess they are worried bout your safety etc
all they do want to know is that you are safe and in a sober enough state to reach home :badangel:
lol ok im blabbing.. but my folks have pretty much given up on me lol
i did think of moving out when i graduated from high school.. but living at home is just convenient..
sooo make the most of it.. and maybe have a one on one talk with your parents.. and try and get them to understand..
all i can say.. phew

:hugs:

 

[Chase]

Its tough, obviously your parents care and worry about you, so they aren't likely to change much. They are also probably still having trouble seeing you as an adult and letting you grow up. I bet they are really going through a rough time, just like you are by dealing with them.

As long as you live with them, this isn't likely to change unless thing get a lot worse first. There seems to be a big fight that happens a lot in this situation and it gets really ugly. Unfortunately, a lot of times that is what finally drives home the point that you are an adult and everyone can move on.

Bottom line is that things are going to be very difficult until you get a chance to move out. If you stay there for a while, things are going to get worse before they get beter. But...in the end, everything will get worked out

 

[santino]

:hugs: :hug:: thats just for you (znam ten bol, w troche inny sposob ale znam).

I can go out how long I want but I got other problems with my mom, big problems (I still live with my parents - mom- she's divorced). Sometimes I wish I had my own flat. But, oujr time will come. Just don't take it personal, they are just concerned (I know it is hard, nearly impossible, I get so often angry that I could explode). :x

 

[mentos_007]

thanks guys... but you know what is the most weird? that they do NOT allow me to say late at night here - in Poland, in Stettin... while... when I went to London for a meet-up... I was completely alone there... only with my friend... so we could do whatever we wanted... and they DID allow me to go to London.... weird... sometimes I don't get them...