THE DOG'S DIARY: 7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favourite! 8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite! 9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite! Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favourite! 2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! THE CAT'S DIARY: Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait.