The Rules.

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by ShutteredEye, Aug 24, 2005.

  1. ShutteredEye

    ShutteredEye TPF Noob!

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    Finally, the guys' side of the story.

    We always hear "the rules"
    from the female side.
    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note... these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we
    do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
    See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all
    comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
    don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
    and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
    we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible,
    please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
    example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
    mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing,"
    we will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
    expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine..Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
    such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
     
  2. JonMikal

    JonMikal TPF Noob!

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    thanks for this Robert...a little reminding always gets us on the couch ;)
     
  3. PlasticSpanner

    PlasticSpanner TPF Noob!

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    :lol: I like number 1 best! :lol:
     
  4. Meysha

    Meysha still being picky Vicky

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    Ha ha ha ha! :biglaugh: Those are classics! And all so true too.

    Thanks for a great laugh Rob! I'll be sure to pass this on to my boyfriend.
     
  5. mentos_007

    mentos_007 The Freshmaker!

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    hahahaha good laugh buahahaha :)
     
  6. LittleMan

    LittleMan TPF Noob!

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    Those are hillarious!
    :biglaugh:
     
  7. fadingaway1986

    fadingaway1986 I Burn Easily :(

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    hehe. that was kinda funny.
     
  8. Vmann

    Vmann TPF Noob!

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    Have you ever thought of a job as a motivational speaker? or even better Mountianlander for president in 08. You would have my vote!

    "Tell it like it is or don't waste my time"
     
  9. ShutteredEye

    ShutteredEye TPF Noob!

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    HAHAHA, I wish I could claim to have written this, but I got in an email the other day, thought you guys could use a laugh. :mrgreen:

    See, I wouldn't work out as a politician, I'm way too honest.
     

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