They walk among us

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by lostprophet, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. lostprophet

    lostprophet No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    The Idiot Report........



    Number One Idiot of 2006

    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

    Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Number Two Idiot of 2006


    Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activate when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

    Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Number Three Idiot of 2006


    A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

    Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

    Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read ! it anyway.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Number Four Idiot of 2006


    A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
    his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
    mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
    the police department a photograph of $40.
    Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
    another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
    Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Number Five Idiot of 2006


    A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
    the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
    the
    robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
    shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
    refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
    said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she
    didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license
    out
    of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and
    agreed
    that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The
    robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called
    the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
    license. They arrested the robber two
    hours later.

    This guy definitely needs a sign.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Idiot Number Six of 2006


    A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
    revolvers.
    The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
    first bandit shot him.

    This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Idiot Number Seven of 2006



    Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
    he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    Yep, Here's your sign

    (Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:

    I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
    township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
    sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out
    here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
    From Kingman , KS .
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
    person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
    they only had iceberg. He was a Chef?
    Yep...From Kansas City !
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
    asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

    He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

    Happened in Birmingham
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I
    was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked
    if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind
    people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"


    She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    IDIOT SIGHTING:


    At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker. She was leaving the
    company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is
    fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all
    just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

    This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    IDIOT SIGHTING:


    I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
    for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not
    turn on.

    A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    IDIOT SIGHTING:

    When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
    car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
    department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's
    side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
    door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
    technician, "its open!"

    His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

    This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    STAY ALERT!
    They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ...!!!
     
  2. Alex_B

    Alex_B No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    You got a hubby? Wow, I totally misjudged your sexual preferences ;)
    :lmao:
     
  3. lostprophet

    lostprophet No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    :er:
     
  4. PNA

    PNA TPF Noob!

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    These are way too funny......I had to email them, hope you don't mind.
     
  5. doenoe

    doenoe TPF Noob!

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    hehehe these are great :biggrin:
     
  6. GoM

    GoM TPF Noob!

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    These > Industrialization in Canada lecture
     
  7. ferny

    ferny TPF Noob!

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    I think it was the RAC who published some figures recently about why they're called out. High on the list were people not knowing how to change a tyre etc but also near the top were people who couldn't get into their car because the battery on the fob had ran out (no remote central locking). So the RAC man takes the keys, ejects the key with the little button if it has one so that the key flips out, puts it in the lock and.......... turns it! :eek:


    Yes, and these people are legal to drive a car. :mrgreen:
     
  8. midget patrol

    midget patrol TPF Noob!

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    Hooray, bill engvall!

    Good stuff.
     
  9. Xmetal

    Xmetal TPF Noob!

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    Definitely some Darwin Awards contenders in there and definitely proof that the gene pool needs more bleach. :lol:
     
  10. jedimario

    jedimario TPF Noob!

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    Well, the first one was kidna horrible, otherwise they were great!
     
  11. Alex06

    Alex06 TPF Noob!

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    :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
     

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