UHHH... yeahh... BF app =]

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by ilyfel, Nov 15, 2007.

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  1. ilyfel

    ilyfel TPF Noob!

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    Well with my current situation I figured I could use a few laughs.. this is a joke.. but you never know... :sexywink:

    What's your full name:
    Age:
    Birthday:
    Your current location:

    Penis size:
    Location of X-girlfriends, their level of jealousy, propensity towards violence, and likelihood of owning a firearm:
    Are you willing to commute / relocate?:
    Number of times prefer sex per week?:
    Height:
    Weight:
    At what altitude?:
    Body Type:
    Do we already know each other?:
    Smoke?:
    Drink?:
    IF yes, Tend to pass out?:
    If so, what's your favorite drink?:
    What are your fears?:
    What have past girlfriends said they fear most about you?:
    Estimated number of times past girlfriends have called you "psycho":
    Number of legal issues you've had with girlfriends, past or pending:
    Do you currently have any restraining orders against you?:
    If so, list each and its court defined official reason:
    Why Are you Applying?:
    Can you cook?:
    Favorite sexual position:
    Favorite sexual act in public:
    Have you done or do any drugs?:

    If so please list
    Do you get along with your parents/siblings/family?:
    Would I have to?:
    Do you consider yourself to be successful?: (define success)
    Where is your ideal vacation spot?:
    What are some things that are wrong with you?:
    What is something about you that you try but are usually unsuccessful at hiding?:
    Can you see a doctor and get rid of it?:
    What do we have in common (Besides admiration and love for me)?:
    Piercings?:
    If so, where?:

    Tattoos?:
    If so, Where?
    Why would you make a good b/f for me?:
    Have you ever been convicted of a felony or misdemeanor other than a traffic offense? If so please explain....

    Are you currently on the rebound/in love with another girl/ trying to get serious with someone else?
    Have you ever called a woman a **** to her face? If so please explain in detail?
    Have you ever hit or physically injured a woman or child?
    Have you ever been expelled from a school/fired from a job. If so please explain
    Do you have a psychotic ex?
    Will my life be endangered in any way by dating you?
    Do you want to get married and start a family in the near future?
    If so how near?
    Do you make it a habit to lie on a regular basis about stupid ****?
    If so do you do it because you feel the other person is too inferior to know that you are lying?
    How do you treat your mother?
    Will you put me first in your life? This doesn't mean giving up your job, band, school to be with me but more relating to that I know I am an important part of your life.
    Would you brag to everyone if you had me as a girlfriend?
    Do you plan on using me to get to a friend?
    Have you cheated on a girlfriend in the past?
    Is it a regular trend?
    Have any ex had to go into therapy after dating you?
    If I told you I felt like crap and didn't want to see you, would you still show up at my door with flowers, chocolate and a kiss just to see me smile?
    If I actually was sick would you come take care of me even if it meant holding my hair back if I was throwing up, holding me while I cried, and waiting patiently if I was having a panic attack from bs drama?
    Would you support me through problems with friends and family?
    Would you be able to say you loved me even in front of your friends?
    Who are three of your favorite bands/artists?
    Do you like movies?
    If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night?

    ticklefights are fun, right?
    Do you play an instrument?
    If so...what?
    What would you say is the best thing about yourself? worst?
    Do you like photography?

    do you like to cuddle?
    what do you do for fun?
    How many sexual partners have you had, and do any of them have STDs?

    Describe your family in detail.
    Describe your job.
    Do you like animals?
    What kind?
    What is the most interesting place you have ever had sex?
    What is your favorite type of food?
    What kind of beer do you prefer?

    Can you be romantic?
    Do you expect sex on the first date?
    If so, many points will be deducted.
    What is your favorite color?
    What is your favorite book?

    Some requirements-
    You must respect me at all times.
    No degrading behavior toward females.
    Eat what I cook.
    You must enjoy cleaning, because I do not.
    Be nice to your mom.
    Enjoy washing and waxing my car.

    Must enjoy Budweiser products.
    Be able to dress well without my assistance.
    Be able to explain hockey, baseball and football rules to me.
    Enjoy South Park, Family Guy and xbox games.
    Be willing to partake in sex at any time.
    Make up songs and sing them to me.
    Take care of me when I'm sick.
    Appreciate my tattoos.
    Maintain an exceptionally clean mouth.
    Give back rubs, and hand/foot massages.
    Have grilling experience.
    Be a competent drink mixer.
    Must be able to accept that I am a bed & cover hog.
    Play with my hair.
    Enjoy and understand cameras, and let me photograph you.
    Surprise me.
    Drive fast with just a hint of occasional road rage.
    Appreciate art.
    Like to cuddle naked and clothed.
    Have great organizational skills, because mine aren't that fine-tuned.
    No affairs.
    Be open to sexual experimentation (no threesomes).
    Meet the approval of my best friend prior to first date (an interview with her may be necessary - this is a rigorous test).
    Have good communication skills, and enjoy talking about nonsense.
    Like bamboo windchimes.
    Enjoy movies.
    Must love to dress up for Halloween.
    Have cool friends.
    Like spicy food.
    Be able to clean glass without leaving streaks.
    Think I am still cool, even when I'm not being cool.
    Do not lie to me ever.
    Make me laugh. A lot.
    Be willing to purchase tampons, if in an emergency situation.
    Enjoy shopping at Victoria's Secret.
    Think Harry Potter is a great wizard.
    Have attractive and properly moisturized hands.



    What Would You do if...
    I cried:
    I said I liked you:
    I kissed you:
    I wanted to have sex with you:
    I touched your ass:
    I was hospitalized:
    I got in a fight and you were there:
    I got dumped:
    I pissed you off:
    I called you, hystericaly crying:
    I told you I would never let you go:

    What Do You Think Of My...
    Personality:
    Eyes:
    Face:
    Hair:
    Clothes:
    Humor:
    Choice of music:
    Manners:
    Friends:
    Decisions:
    Body:
    sense of humor:

    Would You...
    keep up with me:

    Be my friend even if our relationship ended:
    Tell me the truth no matter what:
    Make me a birthday gift:
    Lie to make me feel better:
    Spread rumors about me:
    Come see me at 3am because I was upset:
    Keep a secret if I told you one:
    Picnic with me:
    Play make believe at a park:
    Make me a snack:
    Try and solve my problems:
    Love me:
    Never want to leave my side:
    Hold me in times of need:
    Ditch me:
    Use me:
    Hold me and make my problems go away:
    Shop with me:
    Have giggle attacks with me:

     
  2. TCimages

    TCimages TPF Noob!

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    well, whoever fills this out, if you date them, it should be a damn quiet relationship for the first six months. I think this pretty much covers every topic. Funny
     
  3. ilyfel

    ilyfel TPF Noob!

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    God damnit! No one wants to date me?!!? No woner I'm getting a divorce!
     
  4. lostprophet

    lostprophet No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    What's your full name: Sir Regand of Reading the third
    Age: 973
    Birthday: once a year
    Your current location: in bed

    Penis size: yes
    Location of X-girlfriends, their level of jealousy, propensity towards violence, and likelihood of owning a firearm: for all I know, dead
    Are you willing to commute / relocate?: no need for I am everywhere
    Number of times prefer sex per week?: you mean you stop?
    Height: 6
    Weight: for how long?
    At what altitude?: what?
    Body Type: almost human
    Do we already know each other?: not sure
    Smoke?: only when burning
    Drink?: yes please
    IF yes, Tend to pass out?: pass out of the glass into me mouth
    If so, what's your favorite drink?: vodka
    What are your fears?: myself
    What have past girlfriends said they fear most about you?: my seventh toe on my left foot
    Estimated number of times past girlfriends have called you "psycho": 1
    Number of legal issues you've had with girlfriends, past or pending: 0
    Do you currently have any restraining orders against you?: yes
    If so, list each and its court defined official reason: not allowed near Otters until December
    Why Are you Applying?: I have a choice?
    Can you cook?: yes
    Favorite sexual position: 57 degrees
    Favorite sexual act in public: walking
    Have you done or do any drugs?: yes

    If so please list anti-depressants but not for 8 years
    Do you get along with your parents/siblings/family?: yes
    Would I have to?: who knows
    Do you consider yourself to be successful?: (define success) no
    Where is your ideal vacation spot?: a river bank that has Otters
    What are some things that are wrong with you?: everything
    What is something about you that you try but are usually unsuccessful at hiding?: my belly and body odour
    Can you see a doctor and get rid of it?: no I cant see a Doctor and to be honest if I could I want to know why they were in my bedroom
    What do we have in common (Besides admiration and love for me)?: TPF
    Piercings?: no
    If so, where?: Oxford

    Tattoos?:no
    If so, Where? London
    Why would you make a good b/f for me?: beer fridge? errr cos you like beer and cold beer?
    Have you ever been convicted of a felony or misdemeanor other than a traffic offense? If so please explain.... no im a good boy

    Are you currently on the rebound/in love with another girl/ trying to get serious with someone else? no
    Have you ever called a woman a **** to her face? If so please explain in detail? once to her ankle, she was very tall
    Have you ever hit or physically injured a woman or child? no
    Have you ever been expelled from a school/fired from a job. If so please explain no
    Do you have a psychotic ex? not sure
    Will my life be endangered in any way by dating you? yes!
    Do you want to get married and start a family in the near future? yes
    If so how near? 4 miles
    Do you make it a habit to lie on a regular basis about stupid ****? yes
    If so do you do it because you feel the other person is too inferior to know that you are lying? yes
    How do you treat your mother? by rubbing cream on her feet
    Will you put me first in your life? This doesn't mean giving up your job, band, school to be with me but more relating to that I know I am an important part of your life. ok
    Would you brag to everyone if you had me as a girlfriend? whats in this for me?
    Do you plan on using me to get to a friend? only if you can drive a bus
    Have you cheated on a girlfriend in the past? no
    Is it a regular trend? no its a designer trend
    Have any ex had to go into therapy after dating you? dont know
    If I told you I felt like crap and didn't want to see you, would you still show up at my door with flowers, chocolate and a kiss just to see me smile? no
    If I actually was sick would you come take care of me even if it meant holding my hair back if I was throwing up, holding me while I cried, and waiting patiently if I was having a panic attack from bs drama? that would be a dream
    Would you support me through problems with friends and family? depends how heavy you are, I have a bad back
    Would you be able to say you loved me even in front of your friends? what friends?
    Who are three of your favorite bands/artists? just read one of the many threads on that
    Do you like movies? yes
    If so would you stay up and watch them with me all night? no

    ticklefights are fun, right? only if I'm the tickleieieileeelyyy
    Do you play an instrument? no
    If so...what?
    What would you say is the best thing about yourself? worst? im useless
    Do you like photography? yes

    do you like to cuddle? yes
    what do you do for fun? whats fun?
    How many sexual partners have you had, and do any of them have STDs? thats a bit rude

    Describe your family in detail. idiots
    Describe your job. crap
    Do you like animals? well I am The Otter King!!!!
    What kind? can you not guess?
    What is the most interesting place you have ever had sex? on one of those open top buses
    What is your favorite type of food? penguin burgers
    What kind of beer do you prefer? real ale

    Can you be romantic? hell yeah!
    Do you expect sex on the first date? no but I do before the 1st date
    If so, many points will be deducted. eh?
    What is your favorite color? black
    What is your favorite book? the life and times of Andy Critchfield
    What Would You do if...
    I cried: cry
    I said I liked you: thanks!
    I kissed you: when? I don't remember
    I wanted to have sex with you: who doesn't?
    I touched your ass: really?
    I was hospitalized: OMG what was wrong?
    I got in a fight and you were there: step in
    I got dumped: hurts don't it?
    I pissed you off: god my memory is bad O don't remember that
    I called you, hystericaly crying: when????
    I told you I would never let you go: but what about my Otters?

    What Do You Think Of My...
    Personality: never met you
    Eyes: wow you have 2
    Face: indeed
    Hair: yep
    Clothes: yeah
    Humor: lol
    Choice of music: ?????
    Manners: bad
    Friends: never met them
    Decisions: not sure
    Body: yes
    sense of humor: lol


     
  5. lostprophet

    lostprophet No longer a newbie, moving up!

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    Would You...
    keep up with me: depends on how fast you were

    Be my friend even if our relationship ended: no
    Tell me the truth no matter what: yes or would I?
    Make me a birthday gift: no
    Lie to make me feel better: what lie down?
    Spread rumors about me: oh god yeah
    Come see me at 3am because I was upset: 3am!!!! are you mad
    Keep a secret if I told you one: yes
    Picnic with me: yes
    Play make believe at a park: my whole world is make believe
    Make me a snack: yes
    Try and solve my problems: yes
    Love me: tender
    Never want to leave my side: never been to myside is it nice?
    Hold me in times of need: yeah
    Ditch me: who can tell
    Use me: for what?
    Hold me and make my problems go away: i could try but I lack in special powers
    Shop with me: NO
    Have giggle attacks with me: no LOL hahahhahahahahahahah yes
     
  6. Sideburns

    Sideburns TPF Noob!

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    can I just summarize?
    You're cute, I'm cute.
    We both like photography.
    However, it would never work, because I have a girlfriend, and you live in Kansas...

    Sorry.

    ahahaha. I love these things...wish I had the time to fill it all out...some of those questions are great.
     
  7. Sw1tchFX

    Sw1tchFX TPF Noob!

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    I lol'd so hard!
     
  8. kundalini

    kundalini Been spending a lot of time on here!

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    Leave it to LP to actually answer ALL the questions. I had intentions to answer the "main" ones, but that has gone into the tombs by now. Even if I could answer them all, I wouldn't. Mystery is sensual.

    I thought about heading west to KS and beyond. Whadda ya think? Grab a coffee or.......would you like a sweetie little girl?
     
  9. NJMAN

    NJMAN TPF Noob!

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    well, I can see that its all about you you you, isnt it.....

    Tending a pro golf course all summer long wouldnt be as much maintenance as you are in one day!!!! :lmao:
     
  10. kundalini

    kundalini Been spending a lot of time on here!

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    :hail:
     
  11. Heck

    Heck TPF Noob!

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    "Play make believe at a park: my whole world is make believe" Lp now thats funny!
     
  12. Hill202

    Hill202 TPF Noob!

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    There's nothing like a woman on the rebound :er:
     
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