What's Growing in your Butt?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by MommyOf4Boys, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. MommyOf4Boys

    MommyOf4Boys TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2005
    Messages:
    2,386
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Alabama - just moved here from Texas
    1. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
    came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
    the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
    I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
    "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

    2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
    Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
    "What?"
    "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
    "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
    Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
    "WHAT?"
    "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
    I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
    Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
    "WHAT!"
    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

    3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
    finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
    The boy thought it over and said,
    "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
    until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

    4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
    a mother was tucking her son int o bed.
    She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice
    "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
    The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
    "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room"
    A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
    "The big sissy"

    5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
    sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
    One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
    as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
    "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
    The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
    "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron."

    6. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
    "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
    "Because I p*ssed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
    innocently.
    You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
    move."


    7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
    "Two plus five, that son of a b*tch is seven.
    Three plus six, that son of a b*tch is nine...."
    His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
    The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
    " And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
    "Yes," he answered.
    Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
    teaching my son in math?"
    The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
    The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b*tch is four?"
    After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

    8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
    to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
    to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
    Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
    falling!"
    The teacher paused then asked the class,
    "And what do you think that farmer said?"
    One little girl raised her hand and said,
    "I think he said: 'Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!'"
    The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

    9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
    "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
    Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
    The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
    "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
    She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

    10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?
    Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
    The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
    "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
     
  2. Alison

    Alison Swiss Army Friend Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    9,469
    Likes Received:
    96
    Location:
    TX
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    :lol:
     
  3. clarinetJWD

    clarinetJWD The Naked Spammer Staff Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2005
    Messages:
    5,787
    Likes Received:
    97
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    :lmao:
     
  4. doenoe

    doenoe TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    4,267
    Likes Received:
    23
    Location:
    Hoorn, The Netherlands
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    :biglaugh:
     
  5. terri

    terri Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    25,298
    Likes Received:
    2,081
    Location:
    In the mental ward of this forum
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos NOT OK to edit
    Those are great!
     
  6. LilCujo

    LilCujo the quiet troublemaker! Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2003
    Messages:
    725
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Between The Pipes
    :biglaugh: These are AWWWWWWWWESOOOOOOOOME!!!
     
  7. Dweller

    Dweller Inconspicuous Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Messages:
    668
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    good stuff thanks for posting :)
     
  8. ragglecarter

    ragglecarter TPF Noob!

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Midlands, UK
    Number 8 made me laugh out loud...:lmao:
     
  9. mentos_007

    mentos_007 The Freshmaker!

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2004
    Messages:
    9,325
    Likes Received:
    102
    Location:
    Poland, Sz-n
    Can others edit my Photos:
    Photos OK to edit
    hahahahahahahah cool :D
     

Share This Page

Search tags for this page

what's growing in your butt