Yes, they actually said this...

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Darfion, Jun 25, 2003.

  1. Darfion

    Darfion Soapbox guru...

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    Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill,
    a spokesman for NorthWest Gas said "We agree it was rather high for the
    time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up
    during the explosion that destroyed his house."
    (The Daily Telegraph)

    Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in
    her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her
    Italian boyfriend.
    (The Manchester Evenings News)

    Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because
    they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch vehicle and they
    don't want the public to know what it looks like.
    (The Guardian)

    After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30-year-old Michael Howard of
    Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist
    Bastards. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr.Bastards
    has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his new name.
    (The Guardian)

    A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth
    was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman
    commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".
    (The Times)

    At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the
    spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he was
    sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind
    had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
    (Aberdeen Evening Express)

    Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with
    her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to
    do her garden.He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled.
    "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the
    middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out "Heil Hitler".
    (Bournemouth Evening Echo)

    THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2002:
    Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash
    Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
    Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    War Dims Hope for Peace
    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
     
  2. MDowdey

    MDowdey Guest

    :lol:



    md
     
  3. mrsid99

    mrsid99 TPF Supporters Supporting Member

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    Great stuff Darren....classic British humor!

    More! More!
     

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