Meysha
still being picky Vicky
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2005
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I know we've got a few aviation enthusiasts on this board so I thought I'd share some jokes I've been gathering. Sorry if these offend any pilots, ATCs, students, air hosties, ground staff etc.
After a lengthy delay at the gate while waiting to depart, the Captain finally came on the PA system and announced: "I'm sorry for the delay, but the machine that smashes your baggage and removes the handles is broken, so the ground crew is having to do it all by hand today!"
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Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
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"Flight 1234, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees.."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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Student pilot in ROG operating in the BCS [Bacchus Marsh] training area was suspected of penetrating R362D. Asked to turn on to a heading of 360 for identification, ROG complied.
ROG: "ROG heading 370."
Sec 5: "There's no such heading as 370!"
ROG: "Affirmative, I'm on it."
Sec 5: "Could that be heading 270?"
ROG: "Negative. Definitely 370."
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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 1247"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact. Departure on frequency 1247. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern ... we've already notified our caterers"
After a lengthy delay at the gate while waiting to depart, the Captain finally came on the PA system and announced: "I'm sorry for the delay, but the machine that smashes your baggage and removes the handles is broken, so the ground crew is having to do it all by hand today!"
------------------------------------------------------
Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
-----------------------------------------------------
"Flight 1234, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees.."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
-----------------------------------------------------
Student pilot in ROG operating in the BCS [Bacchus Marsh] training area was suspected of penetrating R362D. Asked to turn on to a heading of 360 for identification, ROG complied.
ROG: "ROG heading 370."
Sec 5: "There's no such heading as 370!"
ROG: "Affirmative, I'm on it."
Sec 5: "Could that be heading 270?"
ROG: "Negative. Definitely 370."
-----------------------------------
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
--------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 1247"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact. Departure on frequency 1247. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern ... we've already notified our caterers"