Beach Senior Shoot: Please Critique!

[transformed]

For the second model...

I like the second picture of her the best. Nice expression, and the background adds interest.

Here are the critique points I see-

harsh shadows at hairline- needed more fill from her left side.

wardrobe issues- empire waist blouse makes her look pregnant. Unless she actually is- that is problematic. you could try cropping down to frame her face and some of the pier. this is an area where perhaps your sister can also double as a stylist.

strong light on face accentuates lines on forehead and other imperfections. you could smooth out some of the more obvious stuff.

something in the background is growing right out of the top of her head. a decent mask tool would correct this.

 

[Rocky8]

Many valid observations already. I would add that they need some general levels work and sharpening. Not much more as they are best characterized as 'natural portraits'. Numbers 3 and 5 would need straightening (the pool in #5 looks like it's draining to the left), only that is almost impossible as they were shot with wide angle. And for all of them, that is: for the next time you do a shoot like this: use a focal length between 100 and 135mm. Yes, that means stepping back considerably. But the point is that wide angle distorts facial and body perspective in an UNflattering way. Which is the last thing your seniors want!
Also, by taking some distance and not be as much 'in your face' as you would be with a wide angle lens you respect people's personal space, and they will be all the more relaxed because of it. Making for much better photos.

That also explains why top level professional studios are so big: the portrait photographer needs distance-to-subject!

If you're interested: here are my Quick & Dirty edits on these – websized – images. Put them up side-by-side with their web-originals on your screen and the adaptations will be best visible. I wouldn't do much more to them.

http://tinyurl.com/yajs5qe

If I were you and I had the choice I would reshoot. But that's probably not an option.

 

[JackRabbit]

No that is unfortunately not an option. And at this point, my lighting equipment is not very powerful at all (Canon 430EZ and two off brand speedlights) so when they are shot through a softbox, even at full power, they still do not do very well in broad daylight. So, to counter this, I have to have my softbox very very close to the subject which means that I have to be in their face as well because otherwise the softbox would be visible. I'm saving for two things right now, a 5D MKII and a couple of Alienbees for a more powerful light source. Also, keep in mind that I did nothing to these past limited RAW tweakings. I haven't had the girls over to have them choose which ones they like and whatnot so I haven't done anything in Photoshop on these. I will however, keep in mind what you said about the distortions. From what I've read, the 24-70L only has noticeable distortions at the focal ends so I will definitely try to keep away from there next time I shoot.

Also, after looking through all the photos again, I really don't feel like I chose the best 8 photos from the shoot. But whatever. I'll be sure to post up the best of the best after PP. The girls come over Wednesday so I'll probably have my final results up Thursday or Friday.