C&C on my autobiography

[xxx_jpk_xxx]

I added an autobiography to my website last night, and though I do think it's alright and it does what it's supposed to, I think it can be improved. What do you guys think? I realize I put "Biography" instead of autobiography, but autobiography sounds a little too... boring, for lack of a better word. What word do you guys think I should change Biography to?

http://www.jpkrein.net/biography.html

 

[xxx_jpk_xxx]

OH MY GOD, SHOES!

I'm pretty sure this is a photography forum, not an advertisment forum.

 

[Jeff Canes]

Well it could use a little work, you have used and started to many sentences with I or I’ve

 

[xxx_jpk_xxx]

Well it could use a little work, you have used and started to many sentences with I or I’ve

So it should be less personal?

 

[Jeff Canes]

the person info is fine, it’s sentence structure that you are using what that i think needs work, IMO it reads like a rap song