Classical Music Chuckles

Mitica100

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“Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands-and all you can do is scratch it.”
(attributed remark to Thomas Beecham to a lady cellist in rehearsal)

“Now, ladies and contraltos, if you look to your parts, you’ll see where the gentlemen and tenors come in.”
(Thomas Beecham, rehearsing a choir)

“The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.”
(Peter De Vries, The Glory of the Hummingbird, 1974)

“Some men are like musical glasses-to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.”
(Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Table Talk, 1834)

“The chief objection to playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.
(George Bernard Shaw)

[Asked about the secret of piano-playing:] “I always make sure that the lid over the keyboard is open before I start to play.”
(Arthur Schnabel)


“Today you play jazz, tomorrow you will betray your country.”
(Soviet poster of Stalin era)

“Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.”
(James Stephens)


[James Agate, meeting a friend, member of the BBC orchestra:]”Who conducted this afternoon?” [Alec Whittaker, First Oboist:] “Sorry James, I forgot to look.”
 

terri

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[James Agate, meeting a friend, member of the BBC orchestra:]”Who conducted this afternoon?” [Alec Whittaker, First Oboist:] “Sorry James, I forgot to look.”
:biglaugh:


Those are....uh, classic! :thumbup:
 

LaFoto

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"Well, we shall sing from the organ balcony, anyway", says the choirmaster to his choir. "Oh, goodie," says an alto singer, "so we need not get dressed!"

(Conversation that happened tonight in our choir practise).
 
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Mitica100

Mitica100

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LaFoto said:
"Well, we shall sing from the organ balcony, anyway", says the choirmaster to his choir. "Oh, goodie," says an alto singer, "so we need not get dressed!"

(Conversation that happened tonight in our choir practise).

Speaking of that... You know J.S. Bach (famous for his organ works amongst others) had many children. Do you know why?


Because his organ had no stops.
 

Hertz van Rental

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Sir Thomas Beecham was well known for his comments.
Conducting an orchestra at rehearsals, he had been to the toilet and forgotten to do himself up.
The first violinist hissed 'Sir Thomas! Your thing!! It's sticking out.'
To which he replied ' don't flatter yourself Madam, it is merely hanging.'

God Bless the British eccentric.
 
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Mitica100

Mitica100

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... That is funny!

I remember a similar witty reply from one of the old Romanian conductors (Emanoil Elenescu) at the time when I was still a member of the Romanian Radio Broadcasting Orchestra. We had a rehearsal and the conductor came with the zipper down, went up on the podium and got ready for the down beat. A smart a** from the back of the orchestra (trumpet player) said out loud "Maestro, we can see the 'dead one' from here!"... At which the conductor replied "Very good then, come pay your respect and give it a last kiss".
 

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