Creative writing and photojournalism

[Ejazzle]

could you guys help me out with my creative writing skills. Tell me what you think about this.

EJazzle's toilet: What a great day!

 

[Bitter Jeweler]

It's painfully trying too hard to be funny.
If you want help with writing, go here: www.writingforums.org

 

[rufus5150]

Read it out loud and make sure you stop, full stop, at the periods.

It reads like this.

And then something happens.

The sentence structure doesn't vary.

That makes for a boring essay.

Colloquialisms like 'get our wilderness exploration on' work in speech because you can inflect tongue in cheek. They don't work here, or pretty much anywhere. You throw out a word (a name) like Spearmanhoulinwhatever, and then you use it 3 times in as many sentences. You never want to beat the reader over the head with a $0.12 word.

What's a broski? I don't know; I assume other readers don't.

 

[Derrel]

broskis? wrastlin'

Dictionary assistance might have helped on "wrastlin'", since there's already a recognized colloquialism for wrestling. As for broskis, did you mean your bros, or did you mean beers?

I dunno'...the writing seemed like you were trying a bit too hard. The photo looked like a fellow who had a stalk of corn, pretending it was a spear.

 

[RancerDS]

If you have ever shucked corn, you know that being sliced by one of those leaves puts a paper cut to shame. Might comment how your friend Christian narrowly dodged being pierced through the lower lumbar plexus and instead suffered multiple, painful lacerations from the dreaded corn stalk leaves. And it would be toxin versus toxins since most animals only carry one type in any quantity. Possibly reference the good fortune to not having to draw straws on who sucks the poisons out of his arse.

Emulate a Jeff Corwin episode maybe? Make a play upon some of his words or that of the late Steve Irwin? "Crimmy mates, the dreaded spear-u-thru-lu speeds forward in a raging attack!".

Try not to end sentences with prepositions. "Getting into wilderness exploratory mode" or some-such.

<snip>
As for broskis, did you mean your bros, or did you mean beers?<snip>

I'm putting the money down on him meaning "brewskis".

 

[rufus5150]

Try not to end sentences with prepositions.

Grammar Myth #1 and that is a rule up with which I will not put!(1)

The thing is, it's perfectly OK to end some sentences with prepositions. The teachers who taught that rule to be absolute should be shot. And in informal writing, it's even more acceptable. The 'proper' forms end up littering a writing with unnecessarily clumsy 'to whom' and the ilk clauses.



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(1) Variously and likely falsely attributed to Winston Churchill.