Doctor Jokes

[(Ghastly) Krueger]

Pathology results.

Dear Mr. Smith:
We are glad to inform you that the red spots in your penis were not due to gangrene, but lipstick.

Yours,

The Pathology lab.

P.S. We regret the amputation
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A hypochondriac goes to the doctor and asks:
My wife betrayed me a week ago and I still don't grow horns... do you think I need some calcium supplement?
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A nurse is pushing a stretcher along a hospital hallway. The patient on it is really pale, his face shows absolut panic. He asks, almost in tears: Please, nurse, bring me to the ER.
The nurse answers: I told you before, if the doctor says to the morgue, to the morgue you go!
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With the plastic surgueon: a lady has just been through an extensive overhaul... the surgeon asks: Is there anything else I can do for you?
She says: Yes, I'd like my eyes to be more open... to sparkle and pop.
-No problem, here's your invoice...
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Pediatrician:
A lady takes a baby to the Dr.
He examines the baby, measures and weighs him, finding he is underweight. He asks if the baby is breast fed or by formula.
The lady answers "breast"
The Dr. then instructs: Please, lady, uncover both your breasts.
The lady complies and the Dr. touches, presses, and squeezes each one, a thorough examination. Then he asks the lady to cover herself.
-No wonder the child is underweight, madam, you have no milk.
-I know, I'm his grandmother... and I'm very pleased to meet you.
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Odontology
An old lady: "I need you to take my teeth out"
-But, madam, you have no teeth!
-Yes I do... I just swallowed them!

 

[Christina]

haha cute


The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn.
"Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. "Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."