Ok, I like the idea, and I like the black and white, but I think the face would be just as important as the shoulder, so I'd like to see it in focus too.
No one likes to be as mean as possible. let me know what you think may be a better way of putting it.
Anyway; Shoulders are super sexy and have a really nice shape. I like the composition of her face and bod. The background is distracting. I would like to see this shot against white seamless. I would also try and open the midtones (a little) through lighting and or exposure.