How did I do on this conversion?

[Maggedy]

First of all, I am a total noob to PS and my pp skills suck. But I loved the emotion in this shot (and several others from the same time frame) so I am determined to figure out how to enhance it. The first version is basically SOOC, the second after I messed around with it in LR and PS. Am I on the right track?

And how could I have gotten a better shot in the first place? The light was waning, I was shooting the 135L wide open and not very close to my subjects. If anyone feels inclined to comment on how I could have lit this better, much appreciated!

 

[KmH]

You could have used flash (strobed light) rather than having to push the exposure in post processing.

On camera flash would have worked, but off camera flash could have made a near professional looking image that not only lit the subjects but also made them 'pop'. Flash would also have better conveyed the time of day the image was made compared to the edit you have had to do.

 

[Peano]

The adjustments you made here are called global adjustments. If you increase brightness globally, everything
in frame gets brightened. One of the great powers of Photoshop is that it allows you do make local adjustments ...
brighten/darken the image here without changing it there.

If you learn to work with layers and masks,
you can do that. Lots of tutorials available, many of them free. Here's an example of what you can do if you use
layers and masks ...

 

[AnneRiceBowl]

mmmm mmmm! Love me some layers in PS! Like making a big, scrumptious, delicious cake!

 

[Derrel]

I like the OP's original light,airy conversion. On dull or overcast days, or whenever the light is nice and diffused, it's possible to lift the image up quite a bit without running into any problems with highlights blowing out. The OP's conversion still has a slight green tinge in the mid-tone values on the arms of the women, but it is minor. The background in the OP's conversion looks like a springtime cherry tree (two trees,actually) in full blossom,and the wind-blown hair on the brunette woman conveys the feeling of a breezy, lovely outdoor day in the springtime. The conversion "works" and harmonizes with the subjects, the background, and the season of the year.

The conversion Peano did has a lot of excessive green visible in the arms of the women, and the vignetting looks unnatural,and the dark background seems ominous and dismal,which contrasts with the happy, kissy-kissy mood of the subjects. To me, the dark background in Peano's take on the shot works against the subject matter and the scene, and creates a negative vibe.