How do I NOT get my feelings hurt?

Eveamlizya · May 25, 2012

I find it a little hard to not get my feelings hurt. One of my friends just had a baby and is going to friggin' Wal-Mart to get pictures taken, my only cousin on my Mom's side hasn't asked me to take her senior pictures (yet and probably won't), my step-sister pays a lot of money to get my nieces pictures taken at these "professional" photographers (who really don't do good jobs IMO...use 2D backdrops and cheesy props). They know that I'd love to take those pictures for little to no charge and they don't even ask. How do I not get my feelings hurt in that situation? I don't want to offer to do it and then they ONLY say yes because they don't want to hurt my feelings...but they probably don't want to ask because they don't want to put me out or feel like they're asking for free sessions...Arrrggg, I guess I'm just screwed either way. Anyone else have a similar problem and how do you deal with it?

12sndsgood · May 25, 2012

Just put it out of your mind. allot of times friends and business don't mix so people would just rather go to a stranger rather then risk a friendship or be put in an awkward position.

1holegrouper · May 25, 2012

This happens to me occasionally. Ironically, they think I will be too expensive when I probably would have done it for free.

Eveamlizya · May 25, 2012

1holegrouper said:
This happens to me occasionally. Ironically, they think I will be too expensive when I probably would have done it for free.

That's probably what one of the people I mentioned thinks...cuz I'm broke, I wouldn't do it for free, but in reality I probably wouldn't even charge for the disc I use to put their pictures on and that's like what? a few cents? Hell, I'd probably order their prints for them if they'd ask...which I usually don't do. I just do the disk usually.

tirediron · May 25, 2012

There are a bunch of possible answers. One is: They don't like your work. That doesn't mean that your work isn't good, it just means they don't like it. Much the same as while I don't like Picasso, and wouldn't hang one of his paintings on my wall if you gave it to me, many people think he's an outstanding painter. Another is: You think they know you'd like to take them, but do they? Why not simply offer? "Hey cuz... I'm trying some new techniques, why don't you drop over on Saturday and we'll do a shoot, and if you like 'em, you can use 'em as your senior pictures?" They might also not want to bother you, think you're too busy, etc.

Many people think that something you pay for has to be better than something done free. YOU have to prove them wrong. Stop complaining, put on your big-girl blouse, grab your gadget bag and tell them that you're going to do their shots. In other words, stop being passive, become active!!!

LuckySe7en · May 25, 2012

I'd rather not do business with family. But I understand your point. It could be that they dont have the confidence in you yet. For whatever reason, they feel more confident with the button pusher at walmart. I wouldnt get my feelings hurt, I'd take a look at my work see where I can improve.
I have a lot of my family asking me to do pictures. I honestly feel it's because they like the work I produce.

GeorgieGirl · May 25, 2012

If they are going to the 1-2-3 shops for their photos, do you take too long perhaps and they have a conflict with time? Also, maybe their friends have photos taken in these places and so they think that's what they should do too? I've seen some cute props in these sort of places, maybe they like the props?

I'd def suggest an hour of their time so you can work on your skills and see if they agree. You can bring the coffee.

Designer · May 25, 2012

Yes, not in photography, but in my chosen profession. Nearly everyone in a rather large family know about my formal education, but they don't even bother to ask for my help. My own son and DIL did, and they were pleased with the results, but nobody else. I think you just need to get over it. Build your photog business with non-family, and never expect them to come grovelling to your door. It isn't going to happen.

I think it is because they "knew you when", before you developed your photog skills, and they will always see you in that light. Other designers have known this for years. A local entity will hire someone from out of town, ignoring the local designers, and assuming that the locals don't have the fine level of expertise that they require.

Mike_E · May 25, 2012

"Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor."

Just hope they don't wind up nailing you to a tree.

KmH · May 25, 2012

Sounds like your marketing plan is failing to attract the clients you want to attract.

bhop · May 25, 2012

I suppress all my feelings.. problem solved.

Seriously though, approach them and tell them you're interested in doing it for them, if they still don't want it, then consider it their loss and move on.

Tee · May 25, 2012

You're still new at this. Keep practicing, get better and then they will ask. There is a mentor program on here. Get yourself one. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate the quality of your work?

Carny · May 25, 2012

If you want to do free work for friends, family, and even people you barely know, become a plumber! The requests are endless

Josh66 · May 25, 2012

The only way to not get your feelings hurt is to not care.
(To quote Geena Davis, in The Long Kiss Goodnight - "Life is pain, deal with it" - or something like that...)

They may be doing you a favor though. Most people try to avoid working for family/friends. Sometimes it doesn't end well...

Sw1tchFX · May 25, 2012

You suck it up, grow a pair of balls, and remember that you're not the only photographer in the world. Not to mention, they might not want what you do, they might want the Sears portrait.