Is it possible ...?

[anicole]

So, I have an ongoing debate as to whether or not it's possible for men and women to be JUST FRIENDS. I think it's very possible and happens often ... the counterpart to this debate says it's not possible ... that there will always be some sort of 'more than friends' feelings involved with one of them ... if not both, and that it's just setting the stage for something to happen.

I know people who have had very close opposite sex friends for years ... met, dated and married someone and suddenly ... the spouse wigs out and gets all possessive and says, "That's wrong! You shouldn't have them as friends anymore! You're married to me!!!" Funny ... everyone got along when they were dating ... even had the friend in the wedding ... then all of a sudden ... *poof* ... the world ends and jealousy reigns. Okay ... is everyone supposed to throw away years of history and bonding? What exactly happened when the vows were said and cake was had?

Now, I'm not saying you can still hang out every weekend or stuff like that. I think it's fine to have lunch, email or talk on the phone ... and everyone hanging out, having dinner ... whatever ... is fine.

I happen to NOT be a jealous person ... seems to be wasted energy to me. You either know your significant other's commitment or not.

Any thoughts?

 

[Verbal]

I'd say of course it's possible. lol, you and I, for instance.

However. I am a jealous person, lol...definitely. Ask my ex. And I think I'd be a little peeved if my wife went out to lunch with some other guy, or something like that. I know that when I was dating Ari, out of respect for her I stopped spending one-on-one time with all my gal friends...and all my best friends were girls, so that was tough at times. But she appreciated it :thumbup: I always hope my next girl shows me the same respect

 

[mentos_007]

well... i do belive in a strong friendship between man and woman. I do have to close friends (boys)... but... ok... one of them was actually my bf a long time ago, but we both decided it would be easier to stay friends only. we meet sometimes, chat and so on.
but.. remember that I'm not married so I cannot tell you how the relationship might change... I always believd that friendship between man and woman can exist...

 

[Corry]

One of my best friends is a guy named Brian. We've been friends for 4 years now, and I can talk to him about almost anything.

 

[anicole]

I get along with most of my husband's friends and he gets along with most of mine ... I don't feel disrespected when he hangs with them. I'm pretty particular in my friends and who I let in, so I never give the trust a second thought.

 

['Daniel']

the spouse wigs out and gets all possessive and says, "That's wrong! You shouldn't have them as friends anymore! You're married to me!!!" Funny ... everyone got along when they were dating ... even had the friend in the wedding ... then all of a sudden ... *poof* ... the world ends and jealousy reigns. Okay ... is everyone supposed to throw away years of history and bonding? What exactly happened when the vows were said and cake was had?

Any thoughts?

I would neve rmarry someone who expected me to do that.

 

[Traci]

I think that it is totally possible to be good, even best friends with someone of the opposite sex. I happen to have quite a few really good guy friends, to which I have NO attraction to and I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual.
I'm not a jealous person either, as Anicole said, it's a waste of energy.
I recently asked someone that I am interested in dating his opinion on this subject, because as I mentioned, I have a lot of guy friends. He said that he thought it was disrespectful for me to have guy friends while we're dating. I didn't like that response, at the same time, I could understand his point of view. It made me think...and I believe that trust is more the issue. So, now I'm wondering if he is someone that I want to date or not.

For me, I say yes, it is possible to be just friends.

 

[Verbal]

I think that it is totally possible to be good, even best friends with someone of the opposite sex. I happen to have quite a few really good guy friends, to which I have NO attraction to and I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual.
I'm not a jealous person either, as Anicole said, it's a waste of energy.
I recently asked someone that I am interested in dating his opinion on this subject, because as I mentioned, I have a lot of guy friends. He said that he thought it was disrespectful for me to have guy friends while we're dating. I didn't like that response, at the same time, I could understand his point of view. It made me think...and I believe that trust is more the issue. So, now I'm wondering if he is someone that I want to date or not.
For me, I say yes, it is possible.

For me and my ex it wasn't so much a question of whether I trusted her... I did. But, I also know that she's rather naive, and I didn't trust ANY of her guy friends, and I had reasons.

 

[Traci]

For me and my ex it wasn't so much a question of whether I trusted her... I did. But, I also know that she's rather naive, and I didn't trust ANY of her guy friends, and I had reasons.

That's why I said I could understand his point of view, I suppose I didn't clarify that. I'd hope that he would be willing to befriend my friends and understand our friendship is purely that, friendship.

 

[Verbal]

That's why I said I could understand his point of view, I suppose I didn't clarify that. I'd hope that he would be willing to befriend my friends and understand our friendship is purely that, friendship.

Yeah...although I suppose when it comes down to it, I was having trust issues...I didn't really trust her judgement in friends. Some of her guy friends had made passes at her in the past and showed no signs of stopping, but it wasn't a huge deal to her...

 

[terri]

I think that it is totally possible to be good, even best friends with someone of the opposite sex. I happen to have quite a few really good guy friends, to which I have NO attraction to and I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual.

I agree with Traci. But it has to be strictly platonic on both sides, or it won't work. Somebody will be faking, because they're hiding something.

Can't imagine telling someone to give up a friendship that existed before marriage. I suppose if I had doubts about the person, that might raise a red flag, but until I really had good reason, it wouldn't seem fair.

 

[Traci]

Yeah...although I suppose when it comes down to it, I was having trust issues...I didn't really trust her judgement in friends. Some of her guy friends had made passes at her in the past and showed no signs of stopping, but it wasn't a huge deal to her...

That just means your relationship wasn't meant to be and you'll find the right person next time, hopefully. :hug::

 

[aprilraven]

ok, pallie and i disagree on this most of the time.... mainly, because she is wrong.....

just kidding!!! but.... since i tend to be a highly jealous person, i gotta say, i would have a hissy fit if my guy wanted to have dinner with a chick, but at the same time, i get ticked if he is all weirded out by my guy friends... can you say double standard?? i already know i am screwed up, but let me tell you, i dig my guy friends,some are like brothers...and if i want to have a quiet conversation over dinner, then no one needs to get up in arms...

think its fine for me, but the guy needs to keep his eyes and hands and mind and everything else to himself. i dont want my guy to be close to other chicks...

very difficult time with jealousy...i dont share well....

but i expect the guy to understand that i do like my buddies and nothing will make me ignore them....guy or gal...

you dont have to tell me i am not fair... i know it.... no problem with it either.... sucks to be me...or around me....

the only good thing, my husband is so close to totally un jealous, its almost comatose.... he couldnt care less, so... he has no problem with any of it.....he is used to me and my strange ways.....right pallie?

 

[Arch]

yea, i like aprils slant on this....basically if one side dosn't give a sh*t either way then the relationship usually works.
I think aswell it counts how long you've known the 'friend' and in what circumstances you know each other. Take my ex for example...we're still friends....but she's on the dating game and is fairly nieve.... sometimes we meet up and she's like..."i met this guy the other night who's a friend of a friend and he says he wants to take me to the "artillery tower" (the finest resurant in the area), but he's not looking for a relationship he just wants to be friends"........and i just think BS....from a guys perspective its the oldest trick in the book....like, "hey lets just be friends and do stuff together"..... yea right.....i mean whens the last time my mate james took me to the "artillery tower" for a spot of casual dinner! (i would never get back with her btw... yuk)......but now i just get amused by her nievety.
On the other hand if the friend is some one you've know for ages...like lived near them of whatever, and especially if that person has already settled down....theres shouldn't be a problem there.
Go Nicole

 

[anicole]

I totally understand, Terri, Traci and Verbs ... it has to be mutual ... but that's where the respect comes in. Don't get me wrong, my guy friends are beautiful me ... God certainly gets two thumbs up for them, ya know? But heck .... I look at good looking men all the time ... doesn't mean anything at all except me appreciating the beauty that was created! My husband appreciates the female population's beauty, so ... all's fair, you know? My guy friends are just that ... people I trust ... people that trust me ... and people that I know I can depend on.

Raven ... :crazy: you know that you're not that bad ... it's just that we take care of what's ours!