need some advice kinda sad...okay a lot sad

[SharedMemories]

Okay so I have a serious question to ask... I have been approached by some one to rake some bereavement pictures at their babies funeral. The baby passed away of Sids now I will take the pictures but I need some advice as to how do I appear invisible to the grieving family. I am also scared because I wonder if I can keep my composure my husband and I lost our first babies our boy girl twins they were premies born way to early. I feel like I am over my head but I can't back out now. Help!

 

[Destin]

Stay back with a long lens would be my first piece of advice. You don't wanna get all up in their face with a wide lens at a time like that. Also, a camera strap that allows you to keep the camera out of sight (black rapid - puts it behind your hip) may be useful, so that you can just keep the camera out of sight for the most part, and selectively shoot. Don't go motordriving or taking hundreds of photos here. Focus on making each frame count. The more casual you can be about it, and the less photos you take, the less you'll anger family members.

As far as keeping your composure... that can be hard. Over the summer I had to shoot the funeral of a firefigher who died in the line of duty, which, because I'm a firefighter, really affected me. Tears make it hard to tell if your photos are in focus, that's for sure.

Good luck with the shoot, and I'm sorry you have to go through it.

 

[SharedMemories]

Thanks so much for the reply I don't think I ha e ever been this nervous about a session.

 

[MLeeK]

Relax!!! That's the key. The more up tight and nervous you are the more you will "show up" to the family. Find out exactly what they want... And I mean EXACTLY. Discuss the images that they are wanting and what they expect from you. Make sure that they are aware you have also lost babies and share their grief. It will help them to have an "intruder" taking photos if they have a link to you like that. Go about an hour before the viewing/service and take the shots with the immediate family and if they are wanting photos of the baby do those then.
Carry a whole lot of tissues for yourself and for anyone near you!

 

[Kerbouchard]

Personally, I would turn it down.

The only way I would do a shoot like that is if I could show up well before any family members, take the shots that needed to be taken, and be gone before the family showed up.

I would come back later and get shots of the burial site after the funeral and would come back a few weeks/months later for another shot of the gravesite after the ground has returned to a more natural state.

On the babies birthday, if they were up for it, I would go back with the family.

Honestly, the shoot as you describe it, just wouldn't be something I would be comfortable with. For me, on a personal level, I don't believe the moments of grieving at the funeral of a baby need to be captured on film. I would prefer those particular painful moments be allowed to fade in memory. IMO, the funeral and rememberance can be captured without those particular shots.

And again, that's just my opinion.

 

[Trever1t]

But if you do decide to take the shoot...just be yourself. Wear appropriate clothing and show respect. Everyone will know what you are doing and why.


I get the eebie jeebies at the thought of it but someone has to do it, right?

 

[SharedMemories]

I will not take any pictures during the service itself. I can do this it is just going to be hard I want the images to be perfect...

 

[Kerbouchard]

I will not take any pictures during the service itself. I can do this it is just going to be hard I want the images to be perfect...

You should take the photos that the family wants captured. If you can't do that, you should recommend another photographer.

FWIW, I was just giving you an idea of how I would handle it, not trying to discourage you from doing what you feel comfortable with or what the client wants.

 

[AMOMENT]

Wow! I have to be honest. I read this post and quickly shut it down because as a mom, it gave me anxiety just reading it. UNRELATED....but, somewhat related. How old was this baby? Was there something that gave this baby a risk? The reason I'm asking actually has to do with whether or not this baby had a certain personality/likes and dislikes yet? If so, you could possibly include those things or through symbolism. I think that by knowing the story/your subject as much as possible, helps to capture them. This is just so sad. I am literally sitting here and wondering what happened and how I could never imagine this.
As for you, you are so strong. I think be you, show your compassion. If you show you compassion and put your heart out, I don't think you will feel like an intruder but more or less a participant in helping to commemorate a life. PHOTOGRAPHY ASSIDE.....talk parent to parent. You don't need to be invasive or intrusive but feel them out. Be sensitive to yourself. It is okay to not be okay with this. Know that there is no such thing as the perfect shot! I also think that perhaps feeling as if one were able to capture the perfect photo, he or she might be able to make this time easier. I don't think it will and think that you should try and give yourself permission to be human at this event. Even though you are a wonderful photographer, you are still human.....XOXOXO....It takes a strong person to do this. If you need to vent after...we are all here!

 

[AMOMENT]

<<< extra hugs >>>>>> YOU CAN DO THIS!!